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My child is 11 yrs old and recent conversation with is

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teacher is that my child...
My child is 11 yrs old and recent conversation with is teacher is that my child simply cannot be told. He cannot take constuctive criticism. When advised for his own safety or told how to do things, he opposes whatever he is told. Not all the time but quite a lot. Do I need to take him to a child psychologist?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 1 hour by:
6/12/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist replied 8 years ago
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,796
Experience: MD Psychiatry
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Hi there ,

Welcome to Just answer !

1)Is your son argumentative with everyone or is this restricted to his teacher ?

2)is he disrespectful towards elders and has he become defiant , and disobediant , both at school and home?

3)does he physically abuse / bully other kids and is he cruel with pets ?

kindly answer queries against their numbers.

Regards,,

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
1
Customer reply replied 8 years ago

1 My son is argumentative occasionally with me, my husband and his brother. Occasionally with his teacher.

It's more the case of when you tell him something, he seems to take it to heart like your condeming everything he does when your only trying to show him how to do things right. He seems to take everything personally and then you've lost him. He becomes moody and sulks. Gets upset saying he is useless and everyone thimks he's a dummy(no-one calls him useless/dummy). We feel it's not acceptable to praise him when he has done something wrong and feel he should be told no thats not going to work etc. On the other hand when he does well or behaves well he is also praised.

An incident at school this week, he wnted to inflate his rugby ball at school this week. The teacher said no because he wanted to show my son how to insert the nozzle correctly so that it didn't break. Low and behold my son went ahead and broke the nozzle. When confronted about this by his teacher he said you never said I couldn't.

He recently went off our estate, when confronted by his dad he argued he hadn't been off the estate despite the fact his dad saw him. Recently we were at the train station and told my son he must stand past the white line as it was dangerous. He had to stand past the white line and ended up being told off for his defiance resulting in him going in to a sulk and ending up in tears. These are the kind of things that concern me.

He seems repectful to elders most of the time and no he does not bully other children or harm animals

Thanks

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist replied 8 years ago

Thanks for the reply. Well it seems like your son is trying very hard to get notice for his deeds and he yearns for acknowledgement from you as parents and family members and from his teachers and that is why he just takes up the task without thinking about his capacity to do it and without thinking about the repurcussions..

And due to the fact that his efforts to prove himself right and deserving of accolades , he ends up doing more wrong than right , and this leads to frustration within him and he acts out defiant towards parents and teachers and has become argumentative..

So, what is required here is to be patient with him and try to overlook some of his faults without punsihment , but make him realize that he is not being punished because you trust his abilities and you are proud of him , but at the same time he also needs to understand that he should be patient and should not jump at every taskto prove his mettle , only when time is ripe he should patiently put his hand to task without getting hasty to receive the positive comments and accolades..

So, it does not seem like your son is havng any childhood psychological disorder as of now , but , if his frustration keeps on increasing like this ,then he may slip into depression and develop low self esteem , and so you should be supportive to him and insteaD OF PUNISHMENTS and grounding try a more pervasive , understanding and caring approach , if required you may take help of a child psychologist to help your cause and teach you some of the tricks to deal with your child , but , first try out what i have mentioned above..

I hope this helps..

Wish you all the best..

Please pres the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.

Regards..

Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,796
Experience: MD Psychiatry
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

I can sort of see where you are going,but this we have also tried. My son is quite an affectionate child and we do praise him a lot. We also do reason with him in a calm manner(most of the time) why he shouldn't do something Not a day goes by when we and my son's tell each other "we loveyou". Yesterday he was in a strop because there was no cereals that he liked. I explained that we could go to the supermarket and get the cereals of his choice, it was no big deal. But this was not good enough he seemed almost in tears, you'd have thought someone had died. I explained there are times to get upset about things and this was most definately not one of them as it could be resolved. But he sulked and then became obnoxious with his brother who had just got up and walked through the kitchen door.

I am just so worried that as he is about to start high school in September that he needs to get out of this kind of behaviour before he has the mickey taken out of him by other children and it stays with him throughout high school. It just seems like he needs constant attention.

Sorry if i seem a little negative

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: 35 years experience counseling children and families
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The first question to ask is "what is the meaning of the behavior" or what is the behavior communicating..
Is it "I am overwhelmed and fatigued?" (is sleep and work load ok?)
"I am angry or scared" (aboout a family change or school change?)
"I am having trouble understanding in school?"

or is it just his temperament/personality?

The intervention is different for each possibiility. It could be any one of these at different times. SO, you see, it is complicated. A child psychologist may be able to help you sort it out. For this reason my answer to your question is "Yes" and include educational testing to make sure he is comfortable with his grade level material.

Good luck,
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Thankyou I will bare this in mind
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
Gook luck!!
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