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I feel like I have constant depression, have tried MANY,

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MANY different meds along with...
I feel like I have constant depression, have tried MANY, MANY different meds along with ECT since 2004 with the loss of my brother/best friend to suicide. I got professional help after my first suicide attempt and many other "doors" opened. I am now taking Prozac as one of my meds and just feel like I am just alive but not really living. And then out of the blue I "crash" become totally hopeless/helpless and just want to be dead, sometimes with no trigger that I can identify. My diagnosis are major depression, PTSD, BPD and I feel OC and BP though not diagnosed. Is there such a thing as not being able to get out of depressive state to really have no feelings all of the time and then the "demon" appears.
Thank you very much for your time.
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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6/11/2010
Mental Health Professional: cathy, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago
cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
Verified

Hi and thanks for writing.

Medicines do not cure trauma, they help but they do not resolve the issues.

Therapy does and quite well.

Can you tell us about your therapy and what you have worked on?

It seems you have tried so many things but you have said nothing about what you have tried to get past the trauma and to allay the depression.

Thanks so much for the information we need to help you.

warm regards, Cathy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

Hi Cathy, I have been in therapy for the duration. I have tried psychotherapy with both my psychiatrist and therapist. I have done cognitive behavioral therapy,emdr along with spending months at a time inpatient treatment. As far as the inpatient treatment the only place that I am safe from myself during those times of crisis is behind locked doors. Now there is no place in my area that will accept me and put me in a "safe" place because of incidents that happened while I was inpatient that were no fault of my own. I feel that the only professional that I can trust now is my psychiatrist and that is really very scarey because I have anniversaries coming up that are always triggers/guilt and there is no place that I can turn to. I am very afraid of my thoughts.which I know will lead to actions. I do not want to live this quality of life anymore. I am not the person that I once was and I don't think I will ever be her again. I just need to get it right before I mess up and something goes really wrong. I believe that my brother had an illness that turned him into somebody that he didn't want to be either. And I feel he is at PEACE now and no longer suffering however selfish people make think it is. They will never know unless they were to end up with the illness too. He did it all right, he was a hunter and was not afraid of guns. I just need to get over certain fears to be at peace too.

Sorry for rambling on, for taking up your time. You don't know me and you could probably care less just like most of the others. Thank you for your recommendations, I won't be able to chat again because the $$$ is an issue and this way you will never know how things end... P.S. I even had a special license plate made in our state for my car that says HOPEFUL so that I continually see that but it hasn't changed anything. It should say NOHOPE!!!!

Mental Health Professional: cathy, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago

Hi and thank you for writing such an honest and what must have been such a painful post to write.

First things first, it does not matter what label is attached to what you are feeling. It matters not if this is PTSD, or BPD, or anything else. The only thing that matters is you and your feeling better. Getting that part out of the way, I hope, lets next talk about what it will take to get you safe.

No hospital or respite can "refuse" to admit you for past incidents. If you feel safe on a locked ward, then you go. You cannot be refused treatment for any reason, including ability to pay. Perhaps you are fearful of going back to an inpatient unit and I can well understand that, but you cannot be refused treatment. I ran an inpatient psychiatric unit for ten years and no matter what, you cannot be refused treatment. If you did something so horrible that they would never take you back you would be incarcerated and since I take it that you are not, do not worry about this part.

If you need to go in for what I call a "tune up" then call your psychiatrist and let him or her know and have them arrange for an inpatient stay where ever they have admitting privileges. If they refuse to do this, just write back with the city and state in which you live and I will make some calls and get you a bed.

You can never be refused treatment because you have a mental illness. This is against the law.

If you feel suicidal you cannot wait on this and you have to call your local crisis team, a PACT or ACT team or your local NAMI organization and get some help right away.

You did not say that you were suicidal but you do allude to this and it is not a viable option when there are so many other options available to you that can allay your pain and help you to feel as if you are yourself and getting better.

You mentioned quite a few treatments but the one that you did not mention is DBT and I have seen it work quite well with trauma survivors and I would strongly recommend that you discuss this option with both your therapist and your psychiatrist. Its a bit of work but the results are quite good. If you want to feel better, this, I would think, is the way to go.

I think if you had the where withal to find a license plate that reads hopeful, you have the energy to pursue DBT and to find a safe place for you during your trigger anniversaries.

First call is to your psychiatrist and of course you can print this out and show it to him or her.

Feel better soon.

Warm wishes, Cathy

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