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Ask Tamara Your Own Question
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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I am in love with a man who is separated from his wife,

Customer Question

I am in love with a man who is separated from his wife, Everything was going well were waiting till his daughter graduated medical school to file for divorce, His children are 26 and 28 he talked with them both about his unhappiness and they were very supportive until the actual divorce was planned. Now they will not speak to their dad wont take his calls. He loves them so much he is willing to go back and live with their mother just to see them. I want to let go and let him see what he is giving up, I don't want him to hate me or resent me later in life. I just don't know what to do. I love him more that I love myself and I would never want him to have to pick between me and his kids. Please help.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi there. Let me ask you a question. How long have you been seeing him? Tamara
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

been friends for seven years, lovers for four

Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi again. Thanks for the clarification. I'm sorry that you are having these problems. I know you are in a lot of pain about this relationship. I think you are right, however, that you have to let him go and let him make the decision about what he wants to do. If you don't allow that to be his decision, then you certainly run the risk of him resenting you later - which won't be helpful to anyone. It's unfortunate that he is letting his adult children manipulate him and run his life. But that's his decision. Some people are not strong enough to handle rejection. So do your best to let go, and hopefully he will come around and decide to follow through with the divorce. If not, you will need to pick yourself up and move on. As much as you love him, you can't allow yourself to be in the middle anymore.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara