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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My husband wants to wee me have sex with another man. What

Resolved Question:

My husband wants to wee me have sex with another man. What does this mean? Does it say something about how he feels, or doesn't feel, about me as his wife? I have read the articals on sperm chase ect... I'm just not sure just waht to think!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Let me ask you a couple of questions before I answer. How do YOU feel about it? Also, why does he say he wants you to do this? Does he want to watch? What's his reasoning? Tamara

Edited by Tamara on 6/1/2010 at 6:43 PM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Do you need more info?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

His telling me and then asking me if I would do this for him was kind of out of left field. I will do what ever it takes to make my husband happy sexually because I think a women, after being asked to do something like this, would be important. If I don't maybe he would look else where for sexual fulfillment. I'm not frigid by no means...Years ago I helped to fulfill his desire to be with another women and see me with another women...This happened (at the same time) for him, set up by me. He brought it up all the time so I did it. But I was a little taken back when he said he wanted to see me with another man. I think any women would question how a husband could want this to the point of pushing the issue. Maybe it's old fashion of me but I thought that would be the last thing a husband, that really loves his wife, would want to see....Maybe fantasize, but not push for...

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Oh Yes...I am 50 and my husband is 41...
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi again. Thanks for the further information. I'm sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation with your husband. I understand that you feel it is your obligation to provide what your husband wants sexually, or he may look elsewhere. That certainly is your choice. But I would have to say that I think it is even more important that YOU feel comfortable with what he is asking you to do. You are right - fantasizing is one thing, but then asking you to do that is something totally different. It's understandable that you would question his love for you, based on him being OK with you being with another man. I don't know that that means he doesn't love you, but you certainly have a right to talk with him about how that feels for you, and to let him know that it makes you question your relationship with him. You deserve to be happy and safe in this relationship, and if this isn't something you want to do, then don't do it. It's above and beyond what anyone would expect from a spouse, so it's OK for you to say no.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Tamara and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago. is something else that happened...I know getting comfortable allows a person to open up more, as the subject at hand evolves...So this is hard but here goes. When this subject came up I was away from home, about 14 hours. He said this to me, for the first time, in a text. It was fun and very sexual, texting each other about the subject. Actually, I thought the texting, or should I say sexting, was why the subject came up so abruptly. We had a great time getting all hot with each other writing back and forth. I thought it was his way of turning me on. Anyway, when I got back to the hotel and we spoke on the phone, I realized then he was very serious. He started encouraging me to go to the bar and find someone. Go to the work-out room find someone, start flirting and then take them to the room and let him listen. I told him that I couldn't do that. He replied that he was giving his permission so I needed to take advantage of it and he started pushing the issue. I told him that I didn't do the wink, wink flirting thing before I met him! To make a long story shorter, by the evenings end I felt like he would be very disappointed if I didn't follow through with it there and then. The next morning he started with the same persistence about me finding someone. I looked online, later that morning, and found a site where you can meet people who are local to where you are located, and found a few names. When we next spoke on the phone, just a couple of hours later, I told him about the site. I thought he would then rethink his push approach and back off. To my surprise he didn't. He started off by telling me just to send a message to them and see if I got res ponces. I did that and did get res ponces. He then said for me to call them...In other words, he started pushing me meeting one of them that evening...I told him that it made me uncomfortable and he said he understood but then he would start again that I needed to go ahead with it...I was so afraid that he would be disappointed in me because it seemed to be giving him so much pleasure! I did it...I let a stranger in my room and I had sex with him. I was soooo lucky...He was a really good, kind guy that in fact, found it hard to believe that my husband was part of his encounter with me. Okay, now you know the whole story. Now, he wants to watch by being in the room then he wants to join in...
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi again. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this with your husband. I can tell that it is very confusing for you. It sounds like your husband may have some kind of sex addiction, which seems to be progressing and getting worse (he is needing more out of the ordinary things in order to get excited). Unfortunately, you are caught up in his addiction, and are being asked to do some things that are very uncomfortable for you. I hate to hear that you are afraid to lose him if you don't do these things for him - but honestly, is this the kind of relationship you want? You are being used by your husband, and he has no regard for how it feels for you. That's disturbing, and it's not fair or healthy for you to be in this situation. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will tell you that I think you deserve better and that you don't have to put up with this. I wish you the best. Please let me know if I can help you further. Tamara