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Ask Tamara Your Own Question
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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Dear MD: I am going through a very difficult time right now.

Resolved Question:

Dear MD: I am going through a very difficult time right now. I have a hx of severe depression. Currently, I have started taking Zoloft po 50 mg. daily (first week). What has been traumatic for me is that may daughter is pregnant (will be due 6/14/10) and I will be a grandmother. I'm 45 yrs old, got my LPN license in 2008 and have been focusing on improving my career as a nurse. When I found out my daughter was pregnant, I took it very hard. In a nutshell, when I was pregnant (out of wedlock at 19), I strongly feel I did not get the emotional/mental support from my parents (very old-fashioned Polish family). Another issue is that this child is going to be interracial. I have feelings of embarrassment, bitterness and hopelessness. I feel I have to quit my job/career as a nurse and go back on welfare. I've been beating myself up and trying very hardrd to find ways to avoid the circumstance/problem but there is no way out.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today. I have your information, but I'm not clear as to how your daughter being pregnant relates to you and your job. Could you please clarify that for me? Also, what would your question be? Tamara
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Clarification: What I'm trying to say is that I'm 45 and have reached a point in my life where I should work on my career as a nurse. I honestly feel too young to take a position as a grandmother. I maybe stereotyping here, but my vision of a grandmother is a woman in her 60s or 70s who has fulfilled her life, has retired from her career and is satisfied with the things she has done. She also spends a great deal of time with her grandchildren. In my opinion, I've put my life on hold ever since I took care of my daughter as a single-parent for the past 20 years where I feel she has been a priority. I've seen peers who have gone to college after high-school and got their degrees and have started their careers after high school. Me, on the other hand, I got pregnant at 19. Maybe I made a mistake of putting my daughter as a priority or not. At 45, I'd like to focus more on my career than have the position of being a grandmother. Being called a grandmother, makes me feel like an 80 year old woman!
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi again. Thanks for the clarification. I would agree that 45 is young to be a grandmother. But you don't have to be an old grandmother. There is nothing that says that being a grandmother means you don't have a life of your own anymore. In fact, I would totally encourage you to continue to pursue your career and your interests. Just because your daughter is having a baby doesn't mean your life is over. You are in charge of how you spend your time, and there is nothing wrong with focusing on your career. The wrong thing would be to quit your job in order to take care of a grandchild. That's not your responsibility. That's your daughter's responsibility. So keep working, focus on yourself, and let your daughter deal with having a baby. You can be there when you want to be, but other than that, it's your life. As far as being called grandmother, I'm sure you can find a name that feels better for you.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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