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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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I 29 & lst yr spent time wit a friend of my dads of 25 yrs

Customer Question

Hi, I 29 & lst yr spent time wit a friend of my dads of 25 yrs who is 39.We grew close & I got frustrated wit the situation 1 ngt wit drink. I asked wat was goin on between us we'd never crossed the line but there was an instant attraction.Hed been abused/slapped by his dad wen younger b4 his father just left. A demandin mum like my dad who he is extremly close 2 & provides 4 her & his deaf sister. He also started 2 business & works 4 a lrg company-both very driven! In the heat of our argument we both said things we regreted-after we both apologised. Since he just shut down & barely speaks 2 me when mutual friends are around. He suffers fr bipolar & boarderline personality disorder. If I am 'talkin' 2 men he will ignore me when i say hi which is very embarrassing & yet if i bump into him alone hes warmer. His lst relationship she hurt him badly but he told her hed met me when she wanted him back.His best friend doesnt approve-my age. Every relationship hes in he has to be in control.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

It sounds like an interesting story. Can you clarify what question you want answered today?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

I have a bbq party on Friday and we are both attending with mainly his friends and I have no clue how to handle him or his friend if he is ignoring me or his friend his bullying me which has done in the past when he's got me on his own. everyone watches our interaction and pending on his mood that day he could ignore me, be nice and friendly or lash out and i dont know what to do or how to react to not make the situation worse or that i look bad infront of his friends. He only takes his med sometimes and I seem to be the vent at the moment because he's afraid of getting hurt again

Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
He sounds like an unstable and painful person to be around. I would suggest that you think about what your goal for the party is and go about your business without giving this guy any more of your energy. It sounds like he's quite adept at getting people's attention and pity - Borderlines are like that. There is little you can do to make him different - you have to work on putting your safety fences around yourself and being self directed.

Let me give you a couple links that may help explain this type of relationship better.

Stop Walking on Eggshells

During the BBQ, have a plan for yourself and stick to it. Don't pay him attention and don't give him or his antics any energy. You can choose to stop all the games before he has a chance to start them by removing yourself from the playing field. Don't engage with him, focus on something else, and don't stay long at the BBQ. If he tries to corner you, move away very quickly and don't get into a conversation with him, no matter how seductive it seems to be.

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