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Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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I am a female, married and we have 3 kids who are now in

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I am a female, married and we have 3 kids who are now in their late teens. I grew up in a home with what I believe were narcissitic parents like to have control. There was verbal and physical abuse my childhood home. My mom is intense and seems she is not happy unless controlling us and then her happiness lasts a short time. My mom is 78 and wants to mend fences and appears to be trying. I have 20 plus years of very difficult times and difficult to trust her & she will not hurt me again. Setting boundaries is difficult and being confident, - I care too much what others think. I have a husband I trust, who is simple, direct and very consistent. All this has left anger that pops out periodically and hurts my other relationships. I want peace with my mom but not be controlled by her outbursts or let her control the mental space in my head. I'm clear and concise when I talk not to play to her emotional high/lows she thinks I'm distant. This has changed me and I need to heal and move on.


They operative thought here is that you are not going to change your mother at this stage of the game. What then remains is your only option which is to change your reaction to her as you are not going to change her. This is clearly easier said than done, but if you are as motivated as you sound it certainly sound s that there is a small opportunity to work things through.. Best wishes and good luck. There is not a whole lot of time to mend fences. I again suggest that you be the one to bend and allow a working through. It is truly under your control. At the same time try to be realistic in your expectations


Ralph LMHC

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thanks for your reply. I agree with what you are saying and that there is not a lot of time to mend fences. I also agree I'm the one that needs to be flexible but how do you release the anger of the past? While most of my life is peaceful but fast past I know the anger has not been completely released and I believe this is what is getting in the way of really "mending this fence."


Is there anything further that I can address?


Ralph LMHV