Thank you for your response. I think I understand what you are saying, but I have one more question. I have been diagnosed with Pure OCD and responsibility OCD. Is it possible that my need to know that I have never done anything wrong is making my memories of the past even worse?
Just briefly, the "trauma" in my life revolves around a time when I was a teenager, living away from home with my aunt (who tried to gain custody of me against my parents' consent), I had a very abusive boyfriend and I was around people who were doing things that I found to be morally wrong. When written out, it doesn't sound so bad, but it was an incredibly anxiety-provoking time for me. In any event, after leaving my aunt and returning home, my boyfriend tried to terrorize me for awhile and tell me that I was going to get into trouble, etc. until I finally broke up with him. What really worries me is that I now can vividly remember all these negative fantasies I had at the time. Because they are so vivid, I start to doubt whether or not they were thoughts or actual events (again, this is where my OCD comes into play). I also had a very odd family environment, so there was no one to talk to about this so after awhile I eventually "forgot" about everything. I remember a year later even saying to myself, "Did
I really live with my aunt? I can barely remember it."
I realize that couseling would be helpful, but money is an issue right now, so that won't be an option right now. Thus, I am triying to work through it myself. Anyway, I guess my final question to you is, could my OCD being making me feel guilty even though traumatic things happened to me? Could I be blaming myself for the trauma?
Thank you again.