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Gina P
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience:  MSW, LCSW, PIP
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what should I tell myself during the healing process....after

Customer Question

what should I tell myself   during the healing process....after being emotionally and spiritually damaged by a narcissist? I am also feeling very inadequate...and dealing with lots of doubt about future relationships and men in general...
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Gina P replied 7 years ago.

Hi,

Thank you for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about your emotionally draining relationship. Narcissists will literally suck you dry emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and any way they can. Everything becomes your fault according to the narcissist, and somehow we accept that it is. Due to the nature of the narcissistic personality disorder, it can have a major impact on your self esteem. Instead of reading on him, how about read on ways to get yourself healthier.

Most people continue to choose the same type of partners through out their relational lifetime unless they work to change what it it that attracts them to these people. Same person, different package, so to speak. Although the characteristics may not be exactly the same, the feelings you have about yourself are usually the same, when you have chosen a dysfunctional partner.

I would recommend you look at your choice of partners through out your life and determine either, what they have in common, or what common feelings you had while you were with them. This can be completed on your own or with a counselor. This will help you identify what characteristics to avoid in the future.

When looking for a new partner, a good exercise is to write down the top 30 qualities you want in a partner, and put them in order. Although good looking is great Wink try to identify internal qualities that are indicative of the values you want in a mate.

After you have completed this list, look at it, and work to obtain those qualities in yourself. After you have developed these qualities yourself, you have worked on your own self esteem, and you will begin to attract healthier partners. You will also be less willing to settle for someone who may not be up to par.

I hope this helps. Please let me know what other questions you have. Thanks, Gina

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
thanks for your answer...it was a great help.
Expert:  Gina P replied 7 years ago.
you are welcome. please et me know if you have further questions. Gina