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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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found out that cousins were alone in basement and 12 yr old

Customer Question

found out that cousins were alone in basement and 12 yr old asked 8 yr old to play suck weenies. 8 yr old didn't know the game, 12yr old said "do this or you'll get a wedgy" - what should I say to both kids. i am kind of shocked about the whole incident but know the 12 yr old has also seen some stuff on the internetl/ pls advise what to say to both, esp the older one
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 7 years ago.
Can you clarify for me - what is your relationship to these two boys?


Edited by NormanM on 4/3/2010 at 7:52 AM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
one is my son, the other is my nephew
Expert:  Norman M. replied 7 years ago.
Sorry to be a pain - which one is your son - the older or the younger?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
the older one
Expert:  Norman M. replied 7 years ago.
Thanks for getting back to me. Sexual play between boys is not uncommon, but for the older one to want to indulge in this sort ofbehavior with someone four years younger, is somewhat worrying, especially since there was a threat involved if the younger boy did not comply.

I think you need to ensure that you explain clearly to your son that his kind of behavior is not at all acceptable, and explain the approriateness of sex between adults.

Be objective, stick to the facts, do not be accusing but tell him he must never do this again. Once you have done so, leave it at that

So long as he does not repeat this behavior in an obsessive way, I don't think that there is a real problem, but if it becomes apparent that he is doing it again, professional help is indicated.

As far is the younger boy is concerned, it is approriate to make sure that he understands that what happened is bad, and if anybody at all wants tou touch his genitals or have him touch theirs, he must refuse and tell an adult at once. It is important though that this does not get blown up out of all proportion, so some care is needed.