Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health

My boyfriend has shut down emotionally- so much so that he

Customer Question
says he isn't sure if...
My boyfriend has shut down emotionally- so much so that he says he isn't sure if he knows how to love anymore. He has been hurt so many times by his family and by the death of his father a few years ago that he has shut himself off from loving anyone - including me. He says he cares for me and I mean a lot to him. He just moved out of the house we shared together a few days ago and we have been together for 3 years. He simply tells me he doesn't know what he wants and needs some time alone. I don't know what I should do to help him, but he doesn't want to talk on the phone or anything. He says he needs to "miss me", so I need to know how to help him. He is one of those people who has taken care of people all his life he doesn't focus on his emotional needs. He also told me that part of him doesn't believe he needs help when I told him he was broken inside.
I am hurting so much and am not sure what to do. We are amazing together and he says little by little over the last year or so he has shut himself off from love and he hasn't been able to control it.
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 9 minutes by:
4/1/2010
Mental Health Professional: Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist replied 7 years ago
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Verified
Hi there. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry to hear about this situation you are having with your boyfriend. I'm sure it is distressing to you, and I know you want to help him.

Based on your description, I would say that your boyfriend is suffering from depression, so that would be the first thing to try to help him with. It is very common for depressed people to feel cut off and alone, and to shut down emotionally. I'm sure he doesn't want to get hurt anymore.

So I would suggest that you talk with him about your concern that he is depressed and that you would like him to go talk with someone. Make it clear that this is just about you wanting him to feel better - not about you trying to get back together. It sounds like you are doing a good job with letting him know you love him and support him, so I'm sure this won't be a problem.

Unfortunately, he isn't willing to talk with you, so it's going to be hard for you to talk with him about this. Just be patient and be there, and do your best to give him the space he needs while gently encouraging him to get some help. He can feel better, but because he is depressed, it will be hard for him to act on that by himself.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago

He is supposed to be trying out seeing a psychologist this week, but he just seems to want to cut himself off from the rest of the world. I asked him if we had broken up and he just responded with "I don't know". He says he isn't sure if he even knows how to love anymore. Everything is answered with "I don't know".

I suffer from depression and will be going away for about 3 months in order to heal myself and deal with my own issues. Other than letting him know I am here for him - that is all I can do?

Mental Health Professional: Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist replied 7 years ago
I know it's frustrating, but yes, that's all you can do. I'm sorry. You're in a very difficult position to be in when you love someone and can't get through to them or help them. Be supportive, and in the meantime, take care of yourself. Hopefully the psychologist will be able to help him get back on track and he will be able to give you some answers. Good luck. Tamara
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Verified
Tamara and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Tamara Your Own Question
Tamara
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
1,073 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified

Tamara is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I think I have some form of an obsession linked with extreme
I think I have some form of an obsession linked with extreme jealousy for the past 6 years. I am really jealous of my boyfriend's family. I do not want him to see them or spend time with them at all. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Dueck - Living here in the country of Belize. I think it's
My name is***** - Living here in the country of Belize. I think it's verbal abuse that I experienced for many years. Not from my marriage partner. I have been thinking that I suffer from trauma. Just … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I'd like to know about my confidentiallity rights before
Hi, I'd like to know about my confidentiallity rights before describing my situation. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Are you? marryann as you are fully aware my intrusive
Hi are you? marryann as you are fully aware my intrusive thought is 'what if i killied someone in past and forgotten' and the compulsive nature is reviewing my past memories! What I what to know is I'… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I just had a one night stand with a younger man, who said
I just had a one night stand with a younger man, who said afterwards that we should repeat this eventually, but then I sent some stupid text messages and an email which was way too intense and probabl… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a
Second opinion] If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a mother (because she didn't want to leave the mother) would the therapist likely say the child has abandonment issues or would… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
How do I deal with severe abandonment issues? I am
How do I deal with severe abandonment issues? I am constantly afraid of people around me hurting me or leaving me. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I live in Pennsylvania and I'm looking for an expert in the
i live in Pennsylvania and I'm looking for an expert in the area of Cluster B personality Disorders … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
My mother watches my 2 children ages 7 and 4, 3 times a
My mother watches my 2 children ages 7 and 4, 3 times a week. She has been divorced from my fathers for 30+ years but still harbors resentment towards him. Growing up she told us things about the divo… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a
If a child cried after leaving a bonding assessment with a mother (because she didn't want to leave the mother) would the therapist likely say the child has abandonment issues or would she say the chi… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I suffer from anxiety, and have been taking Ativan 0.5mg,
I suffer from anxiety, and have been taking Ativan 0.5mg, one a day for 23 years. Recently my doctor told me, (because of some anxiety issues) I could take up to three of my 0.5mg Ativan. Is there a p… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
My husband is addicted to porn. How and where can I get him
my husband is addicted to porn. How and where can I get him help? … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
ADHD Question: Do adults who had ADHD growing up and with
ADHD Question: Do adults who had ADHD growing up and with continuing ADHD into adulthood have difficulty maintaining close relationships with others or appreciating the importance and value of other p… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
How should I handle a situation with a group of ladies who
How should I handle a situation with a group of ladies who asked me how a friend was and I felt compelled to answer about her health with too much info and now I am afraid my friend who has no idea th… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I was interested in beginning therapy but researching if it
Hello! I was interested in beginning therapy but researching if it was covered by insurance … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
At times I am happy an excited to be around others but
Hello,at times I am happy an excited to be around others but sometimes I feel like I can stare at a wall for hours, completely empty. What symptom would this be indicative of?… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I am currently weaning from one anxiety medications to
I am currently weaning from one anxiety medications to another for hypochondriasis. I am under the guidance of my psychiatrist. I am finding my health worries are very high whilst I am switching meds.… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
767 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x