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My girlfriend sleeps with her 10 year old son. What can I…

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My girlfriend sleeps with her...
My girlfriend sleeps with her 10 year old son. What can I tell her about doing this. Is it okay?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
3/23/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,569
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
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Why does she do this?
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
She, he claimed that his bed was uncomfortable. I bought a foam mattress pad. Then they claimed that the bed made too much noise. She had put a plastic mattress protector on it. I bought a gortex like protector...cloth. Its been in the box for 5 weeks. So I am not sure why she does this.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Well whatever the reason, it needs to stop. He is old enough to sleep in his bed. Can you get her to stop?
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Ive told her that I am uncomfortable with it. He also uses her bathroom to shower and pee, when the other bathroom is more convenient. When I told her about my discomfort she got pissed and told me not to tell her how to raise her son. I don't know how to approach this. That's why I'm asking you. So that I can show her why it is wrong.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Well for starters she is giving you excuses why he should sleep with her. I think it it to fulfill her own needs, unless the child is scared to sleep alone. I can only think of the most logical approach to take with her in that he is old enough that he should be sleeping in his own bed and that is is interfering with the two of you sleeping together. If she can't respect that then I guess she does not respect you or your relationship. If you two don't live together then I guess you go back to your place to sleep and maybe that will send the message that you are not accepting that behavior.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I am sure she knows he is old enough to sleep in his own bed. I need some info to tell her why. Especially at age 10. What harm it can do to him...if harm can be done.To tell her what is wrong with this picture. All my friends and family can't believe it.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
NO harm is going to be done. It is a matter of respect she has towards you. You are the third wheel in this relationship. I look at it being wrong because it is interfering with your relationship more than what it can do to him. No respect for you whatsoever.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Just a little more info for you and I think we can finish this. He sleeps in his bed or on an airbed in the living room when Im there, but she has to lie down with him until he goes to sleep and then around 2:30 in the morning, he comes into our room. I don't think she wants to upset him and lets him do it.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
I figured there is more to it. Now it is a matter of breaking this pattern. So he can sleep on his own but she is enabling his behavior. Because this has been going on a long time it might be hard to break and I don't know if she is up to it. She needs to set a firm limit with him and if he does not stay in his bed then there needs to be a consequence for his actions. I think she is just a pushover and can't tell him no.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Last question. How do I get her to tell him no? Or can I? She and her ex have joint custody. Each get him for a week and I think she does what she has to to keep him happy. Should I just accept it? aaaaggghhhh.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
DO you have that much influence over her to tell her what to do? If you do then good for you. If not then you either need to accept it or make her life hell until she gives in. Just keep encouraging her to set firm limits with him and let her know that he will be ok sleeping alone. Remember that as she implements this plan you might see an increase in temper tantrums but if she stays the course then it will get better real quick.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Im glad that no harm is going to be done. I was worried about that. Guess I will make her life hell cause I don't think I can influence her to change things. She has a difficult enough time trying to keep this smart 10 year old happy. Reply and Ill accept answer. Thanks *****
Mental Health Professional: Dr. G., Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Good luck to you. The problem is with her and not him. She needs to grow a backbone.
Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,569
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
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