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Gina P
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience:  MSW, LCSW, PIP
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Our son was married to a woman who was a serious drug addict

Resolved Question:

Our son was married to a woman who was a serious drug addict and asked us, his parents, to move in with him to take care of his newborn son. We brought the baby home from the hospital and cared for him and his 4 year old sister for 4.5 years until our son recently remarried. We were thrilled because this new wife seemed so perfect for him. They had only been married 6 months when she notified us that she thought we were seeing the children too often (about once a month..we don't even live in the same state) and she only wanted us to see them every 2-3 months because she was having trouble getting them to accept her as their mother since they were still too attached to us! This is heartbreaking for us and for our 4 year old grandson since we have been like parents. Our son feels forced to go along with her since she gets very stressed. How do we handle this?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Gina P replied 7 years ago.

Hi,

Thank you for using Just Answer. Sounds as if this is a very difficult situation. I can see your perspective and hers as well. But, the ones that may be harmed the most are the children. They probably do not understand what is happening since they have become accustomed to you, and now have a new female in the picture.

I think it will be very important to allow the children to have period of transition, rather than a quick halt of visitation and care giving from you. Once a month is not that often, and most grandparents do see their grand children much more often than this. If she is trying to acclimate them to her, they may instead see her as the one who is keeping you away, and fail to attach because of this.

I would strongly recommend you encourage your son and new wife to seek family counseling with you. For the benefit of the children, working together on this issue can prevent any emotional abandonment type of feelings in the children.

Please let me know if you have further questions. Thanks, Gina

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