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Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I hang around people and play gigs, recently i used to worry

Resolved Question:

Hello, I hang around people and play gigs, recently i used to worry about peoples thoughts and whatthey think of me etc. but i kinda got over that, and now i have really trouble with eye contact, i cant look at people in the eye and feel brotherly love, and i cant get woman to find me cute or anything, even though im a 6 ft tall, athletic, italian man with green eyes who plays gnarleyguitar, in social environments i just cant be comfortable with looking at people, but im not afraid relax, i just cant look at people, i am always slightly thinking and listening to what they say but looking to the side a little bit, and i cant make new friends because of it, i need help
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for using Sorry to hear you are going through this. I think you have actually identified a huge part of the problem. If you are looking side to side when they are talking, they are going to feel you don't care about what they are saying. They may even think you are nervous or untrustworthy. Eventually, people may avoid conversations with you altogether.

Some of the most important keys to developing meaningful communication is being genuinely interested in what they are saying and displaying confident eye-contact/body language. So, you have to not only appear to be interested you have to actively listen and find the parts of the conversation that are interesting to you and comment on the conversation while expressing interest. This is a skill called active listening. Here is a How To on active listening.

If you work on eye-contact skills and active listening techniques, I think you will see some very positive results. It sounds like you already have a lot to offer regarding your personality, so practicing these things should change your situation quickly.

I hope this answer helps. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if you need further clarification about this answer.

Take care and all the best with this issue,
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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