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I have been married since last August.we have started

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sharing our past relations after...
i have been married since last August.we have started sharing our past relations after one week of marriage and there after it affected us adversely. I had real bad expereinces in my past relatioships. after hearing my wife's past i started doubting her. I know very well that she is innocent and cant even compare her past with mine,but my mind is not ready to trust her. since last 3 months i always worry about these things and always thinking that she is hiding something from me. we love each other very much and this is seriously affecting our daily life. I use to mentally torture her everyday by asking different questions and after a while she became frustrated and started behaving like a real mad person including self hurting. And i even doubt these actions too. Evryday she use to cry infront of me and still i couldnt able to believe her. please advice us. please note now every moment in my life i think about this.
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 18 hours by:
3/2/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist replied 7 years ago
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,720
Experience: MD Psychiatry
Verified

Hi there ,

Welcome to Just answer !

Well, i would say that it was to early in your marriage to bring to discussion about past affairs / relationships , as you still had to go a long way to build that unique trust that needs to be there to discuss such insecure topics with each other in the first place.

Anyhow , it seems , you just rushed up due to your past where in you had to bear a lot of insecure moments in your past relationships , but you have to know for a fact that all relationships are not similar , like all humans are not similar in their thinking patterns , attitude and commitment to a relationship.

However, now the problem you and your wife are facing is regarding your Obsession about your trust in her , which you yourself at times feel unreasonable and try to resist such thoughts with will power, but the obsessional thoughts , true to their characteristic ,are too poweful and you give up to them , as a result it leads to disharmony between you and your wife and now things have become so blown out , that your wife is getting hurt both physically and emotionally , whle you on the other hand is having distressed mental state with Obsessional thinking as a real curlprit causing stress in in your otherwise beautiful relationship.

So, i suggest that you and your wife seek marital therapy from a marriage counselor / relationship expert and work on building trust in each other and making your relationship stronger emotionally.

Secondly, you need to get your obsessional thinking controlled , and this you will not be able to do alone , so i suggest that you seek psychotherapy ( counseling ) for self , from a psychologist , preferrably Cognitive behaviour therapy ( CBT ) which is the best type of psychotherapy suited for controlling such obsessional thinking .

So, kindly do the needful as suggested above , as you have gone past that phase where both of you could have handled this issue mutually , now you need help of a professional such as a marriage counselor for marital therapy for both of you and psychologist for your obsessional thinking , for you alone.

I hope this helps..

I wish you all the best..

Regards..

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago
Hi Dr. kaushik,

Thank you very much for such a helpful advice. Just wanted to let you know that i am very much aware about my problems even in worst mood. Is there any chance we can handle this mutually without seeing a psychiatrist. Even in this late stage my wife is very much willing to help.Is there any way she can help me to get out of this mess? i had informed her so many times that fight between us and self hurting only worsen my situation.

one question: can a person cry all the time by telling that "I have admitted everything" and self hurt while hiding any secret in their mind?
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist replied 7 years ago

Thanks for the reply..

Well, your wife is willing to help , but she herself is not the right frame of mind to offer her support even her intentions cannot be doubted , so leave the counseling for yourself to a specialist like a psychologist .

Well, as far your second question is concerned , kindly give your wife a benefit of doubt , and trust her for once , for her sake and for the sake of your mental peace and for the sake of your relationship . She is crying aloud to prove that she is innocent , so shall you give her some respite from your obsessional doubting by believing in her.

I hope this helps..

I wish you all the best..

Regards..

Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,720
Experience: MD Psychiatry
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