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Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I just found out that my husband of 4 years went to a strip

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I just found out that my husband of 4 years went to a strip club with one of his friends one year after we were married. I am devestated, angry, and depressed. I feel sick to my stomache all the time. I have always been very morally against strip clubs, and he led me to believe he was as well. He has lied to me about going repeatedly over the years, and just recently admitted that he went. (He initally had told me that only his friend went) He has also been lying about various different things and at this point I have no trust in him. He goes away on business a lot and I feel sick the whole time he is gone, worrying about what he is doing, where he is going ect... We have two children, and I don't feel it's right to just end the marriage, however, he has totally broken my trust, and I am having a very hard time coping with this. How can I trust him again and be happy?
Hi there,
Thank you for using I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Once trust is broken it can take a very long time to get it back. In order to get it back, your husband will need to start acting trustworthy. I would suggest telling him, if you haven't already, all of the concerns and anxiety you are experiencing. Suggest to him that things need to be a complete open book for awhile until you can trust him again. I would suggest asking for access to emails, passwords, etc. until you no longer feel this sense of anxiety and foreboding that something more is going on. If he his being honest and has nothing to hide and if he wants the marriage to work he will agree to this. If he doesn't agree, I would suggest marriage counseling to help you work through the trust issues with him. If he is not willing to do either, I would suggest seeing a therapist alone to help you cope effectively with the feelings you are having about these issues and to make decisions based on his unwillingness to work on the trust issues.

I hope this answer helps. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if you need further clarification regarding this answer.

Take care,
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