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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My son is 20 and has been diagnosed with Borderline

Resolved Question:

My son is 20 and has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. We have sent him to three different programs and now back home, he will not take meds or see the psychiatrist or therapist. The constant lying, refusal to work, etc. is taking a toll on the rest of the family. I've come to the point that I have absolutely no idea what to do. Do borderlines ever change on their own or with age and maturity?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear that you are having these problems with your son. Borderlines are very difficult to deal with, and are very draining on any relationship they are in. In answer to your question - no, borderlines don't tend to change on their own. They need to be in therapy specifically oriented toward BPD, and even then, it takes a very long time for them to change.

I understand you are at your wits end with your son. My advice to you is that you kick him out of your house. You are only enabling him to be dysfunctional be allowing him to stay there while refusing therapy and a job. In addition, he is lying to you, and destroying your home life. You aren't helping him in any way by allowing this to happen. You need to tell him to leave, and let him figure things out on his own. That is the ONLY way he is ever going to grow up, and even then there's no guarantee. If he chooses to live on the streets, then that is his choice. He is capable of working - he just doesn't want to. And as long as you are supporting him, he doesn't have to. Do everyone a favor and get him out of your house. He will either figure it out, or he won't. But don't let him destroy everyone else's life in the process.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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