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Answered in 3 minutes by:
1/24/2010
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
VerifiedHi Ellen and thanks for using JustAnswer.com
I am concerned that your counselor identified your husband as having NPD. I would very much like more information on your situation. Can you please tell us a little more?
How is it you were married for 24 years to someone with NPD?
If he behaved as someone with NPD for 24 years why would you want to go back?
If he lied to you for more than two decades what is your thought process ontaking him back?
Have you seen anyone who has expertise in domestic violence?
Thanks so much for your patience and giving us more information.
Leaving this open as an information request.
Cathy
Hi Ellen the reason you feel so much anxiety is because he is abusing you. While he does not have NPD, he is selfish and abusive to you.
and no, its not okay for your children if you are unhappy. Its never okay for children to see that kind of behavior. They would be better off have less materially than watching him treat you as he does.
If he wont go to counseling with you, go alone. See someone who can help you gain a healthy perspective on this.
If what you say is so, this man is very selfish and very abusive to you emotionally. Moreover you both have had affairs and the emotions around these affairs have not been resolved.
You have a choice here. Suffer in silence and set a horrible example for your children that will certainly impact their future intimate relationships.
Make a break and file for divorce.
Bide your time, tell him you need six more months to think things over and see a therapist who can help you with this. If he agrees to marriage counseling see a counselor for that too.
Please think about these choices carefully Ellen. You are not alone, many women have been in your position, but its your life and your happiness is important.
I think you have valid reasons not to trust him, but you need some help with this choice. I think a caring and compassionate counselor would help you sort this out.
I believe his is behaving selfishly and abusively and you shouldnot agree to suffer so.
Think on this hard Ellen.
Best wishes to you.
Cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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