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Gina P
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience:  MSW, LCSW, PIP
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Male 20 years very self defeating, no goals, does'nt save

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Male 20 years very self defeating, no goals, does'nt save any money, pushes everyone around him away, no real interests, lies for no real purpose or gain, low self esteem, very jealous and possesive of girlfriend and her behavoir around other men, untrusting, will not take help from family too much, has low opinion of himself , does not try to better himself out od his own unhappy situation, no positive steps made. I am concerned about his pattern of behavior Help me help himself as to why and what he can read ect.. to help battle this pattern of destruction

Hi, Sounds as if he has a big shield up, which usually means he has been hurt or betrayed in the past. This macho image comes from fear. Fear of intimate relationships, of letting anyone get too close, fear he is not as good as other people, etc. Fear will stagnate growth. Facing the fear of allowing others to see the vulnerability is the way to get healthier. This is probably not something he can do simply by reading. Having the knowledge to flip the light switch doesn't turn the light on unless it is followed by action. Action is required on his part. Having the courage to do this is s bit more difficult.

The fact that he is aware of his behaviors is a plus, because hopefully he recognizes how destructive this is to his relationships. And this could be the motivating factor. He is probably quite sad on the inside despite his macho image.

There are many books from John Bradshaw that will describe these types of characteristics, and he can educate himself. However, a good therapist will help much more. Finding one that will not "sugar coat" the truth from him will be vital. Seek someone who specializes in family of origin issues, and they can assist in "unpeeling the onion," so to speak.

I am glad you are assisting him. I hope he see how much you care about him to help him. Please let me know if you have further questions.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I understand, but what about not taking care of himself or his things, he is very careless with his money, and very poor hygeine and taking care to clean his car apartment, himself and the lying for no real obvious gain. He has lived in hi own apartment since he has graduated high school at 18 years old because I have too many rules.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I understand but I still want to know about the lying for no obvious reason and the neglect on his appearance/hygeine etc, that he does not seem to care about, and no desires for the future
I see you are concerned and rightly so. I would assume the poor hygiene is related to the low self esteem, and self neglect and lack of goals related to that as well. As for the lying, there are many reasons people lie, sometimes just to appear differently than you are. These can all be related to poor self image. Gina
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