HiCustomerand thanks for sharing such difficult information. Okay, heres the thing, you have a very treatable condition that has seen much success with many medications and a few types of therapy.
I know you have tried very hard, but I also know that what you are describing is not something that you can battle alone. You need compassion and care and support. You need to find a therapist who will not judge you and who will treat you very well and help you to move a place where you dont hurt yourself.
You seeCustomer you need to find someone who you dont think is going to view you poorly whom you can trust and share with no matter how tough.
I think you not ignorant, lazy or intolerant. I think you just have not shopped around a bit to find the right counselor to help you and that is so intimidating that I cant blame you that.
You have a very treatable and successfully treatable set of disorders. What you do not have is an effective counselor who is helpiing you to reconcile this. You need someone to believe in you.
I have treated many people who like you tear out their eyelashes and try to self harm. This is not your fault and you need someone to help you to see that. You are not bad and have done nothing wrongCustomer but you do need some mental health treatment to get past these behaviors.
Your behaviors are well documented in the psychiatric literature and well treated.
I am sorry you are in so much pain.
I strongly recommend that you find a therapist who will not judge you and will help you to resolve these problems. I know that is not easy and you have been disappointed before, but you just print out our conversation here and bring it to the new therapist you are seeking and I think that will help a great deal.
I wish you all the very best on this and again am so sorry therapy has let you down before. Please do give it another chance and do drop a line here and let us know how it worked out for you.