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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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I have wounded narcissistic tendencies and have children.

Resolved Question:

I have wounded narcissistic tendencies and have young children. When they say mean things to me and compare me to their friend's mother and find me lacking I become wounded and lash out. I get cold and distant, angry and snap at them to leave me alone. I just put them to bed without a kiss and hug because I honestly feel they don't like me. How badly am I harming them and how do I change my feelings of being wounded so I can overlook their meanness?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
HiCustomer Thanks for your question. I am glad to hear that you are concerned about this and wanting to take care of it. This kind of behavior can be very damaging to your children - just as it was damaging to you when you were a child. It is crucial that your children know that you can handle their rejection of you. They need to know that you will always be there, and that your love for them is not conditional on whether or not they are upset with you.

These are very deep wounds you have - wounds rooted in a sense of shame and inadequacy. That's why it hurts you so badly when you feel they are rejecting you. As much as you are trying to do this differently, willpower is not going to change this. You really need to pursue therapy with someone who is familiar in working with these narcissistic tendencies. It's so important that you learn not to derive your sense of self from what you fear they think of you. They don't need to feel rejected by you.

I am truly glad to hear that you recognize this is a problem and that you want to fix it. But I strongly suggest you seek therapy to help you do so. Despite your best efforts, you just don't know how to do it differently - if you did, I believe you would have done so already.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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