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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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I'm thinking of asking my boyfriend to marry me. We've been

Customer Question

I'm thinking of asking my boyfriend to marry me. We've been talking about it for awhile. The only problem is that I realized (shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriends' baby) that I am a lesbian. I thought that I was bisexual but I have no sexual interest in men. At all. My question is does it make sense for me to marry him even though I am not sexually attracted to him in anyway? We fit really well together in all other aspects and have a great relationship. (except that we don't have sex) He's also a great father.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome
If you want your life to be a lie, if you want to be unhappy and not true to who your are as a human then Imarry him. Is he aware of your sexual preferance ? If so and he has all the attributes of a good dad and husband, you are friends then you can still marry him. You will both have to have an understanding regarding intimacy issues, but there are plenty of sexless marriage, both happy and not happy, Problem for you is you are only 23 and have a long life ahead of you..The problem's will come down the road when you find someone or he finds someone out of the marriage. How does he feel about having a sexless relationship? You are both going to want at some time to have a sexual relationship with another person how will you handle that? You have to really do some soul searching and I would suggest working this out in therapy with your boyfriend. You have to make this choice. One last thought, if you can live together happily why get married at all?
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
That's exactly the dilemma. Do I want to be content but not happy or be happy but live with my daughter only part time? He is aware of my sexual preferance, although I'm not sure if he exactly believes it because we do have a daughter together. I'm not sure what would happen if we each found someone down the road but I'm sure we would be amicable about it. We have discussed but he's inclined to say if it's not broke now why fix it? He tells me that he is all right without the sex but he is a man and a human being...I know I don't like living with out it. The marriage thing is really for him. He has this idealistic life and it includes us being married and I want to give him something for being such a great friend, boyfriend and father to our daughter...I don't know how else to repay him.