Of course you have a right. But, is it healthy for you? Does it hinder you from feeling good about yourself and your life? Does it effect everything you do, your relationships, your friendships? The answer to all of these is YES!
And your mother may be passed on, but she is still very much alive and well in your mind and influencing your life. Don't you thing it is time to put her out of your life, and stop allowing her to take any more of your time in a negative way?
Family of origin issues are very deeply ingrained and create a multitude of feelings. These will remain with you until you work through them. You do have a right to be sad and a right to feel angry. You also have a right to learn to work through these feelings, and learn to put them aside. You also have a right to learn to forgive your mother (and father) and in the process give yourself permission to live life to its fullest, something your parents never got to do. They were both very unhappy people and did not take the opportunity to get healthy, and that is unfortunate. But you do have the oppoortunity. Find a therapist who specializes in family of origin abuse type issues. someone who doesn't just talk but helps you to feel these emotions and learn to deal with them.
A 12 step meeting or the onlive version of the Adult children of Alcoholics will also help you see how much you have in common with many other people, who have also experienced very similar issues, and have come out on the other side into healty and happy people! Here is the website: www.adultchildren.org
The rewards of getting help are tremendous. You learn to empower yourself, and learn that all your feelings are acceptable, something that is not usually taught in an alcoholic or abusive home. You can also learn to express your feelings appropriately.
You are not being disloyal to your family by getting help. You are being loyal to yourself, and learning to care for yourself. You are also learning the benefits of forgiveness.
Please let me know if you have other questions. Gina