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Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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Im going through a horrible divorce. I was married 30yrs. My

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Im going through a horrible divorce. I was married 30yrs. My husband has really hurt me terribly. He treats me as a stranger. he has alligance to another women. He was an alcoholic and a pot smoker to a fault for the whole 30yrs, but I loved him, we had a beautiful family and 3 beautiful children now 28, 25, 21 (boys). He continues to disrespect me left and right. I feel as if my arms and legs have been cut off. I moved out because he was cheating on me, it seems once someone else started paying attention to him he just forgot about our 30yrs. He seems to be attracting women who have seeral younger children, divorced, kids from several diferent men, different race, lower economic...he showers this new one with gifts and kindness I NEVER saw, its killing me to the point I feel like just dying. How do I make the pain go away, not seem so jealous. Im so lost, hurt, I feel horrible!! I went to counseloing for 1 yr, I know all the blah , but I want the hurt and betrayl to stop!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.
The betrayal is not under your control. It is his actions and you have no way of contolling them except the way you did which was to leave the toxic relation. From the outside it appears that you have cast off the anchor chain. The pain seems to stem from still mourning this relation and after a year that time has come to give it up. You sound so very depressed. If you added the pluses and the minuses, he would be in the loser column. When you begin to stop thinking of him as a loss and rather an opportunity to begin your life again and obtain those things you rightfully deserve and to start to meet YOUR needs, the pain may end. This is what is under your control. I don't know what type of therapy you were in, but I would resume and look for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) where you change your beliefs and actions and the subsequent feelings change. In addition it sounds like your pain is dreadful and I am wondering if you would benefit from a psychiatric evaluation and subsequent antidepressant medication. If effective, and there truthfully are no guarantees,but likelihood that you could start to feel markedly improved in as little as 3-6 weeks. Scientific investigation has shown that CBT and medication is the most successful means of treating depression and so I would advise it, despite your past experience with counseling which may have been ineffective beacause of the quality and nature of counseling. You want something and deserve it-to feel better and then move on with your life getting over, pardon the expression, this creep. In addition, if you can, try treating yourself better and shower your self with presents-they do not have to be expensive. Give value to what you have done to raise three beautiful children, but again it is now time to concentrate on treating yourself as a good, impotant person with value. Who knows, there are plenty of good men out there who would "give their eye teeth to have the person that you described. Please consider it and don't say to yourself it's too late. I hope you have a good attorney so that he does "right by you financially" as this is not a no fault case when adultery is involved. Good luck and best wishes. Please see my profile and you will find I am in addition to a licensed mental health counselor, a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Candidly, I am insensed by your husbands inexcusable behavior.

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