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Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience:  ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
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During a short seperation my, wife of 11 years found our daughters

Resolved Question:

During a short seperation my, wife of 11 years found our daughters bio-dad. I am the legal father and only father she has know. Bio-dad was told about the pregnancy but totally exited out of the picture.    
Its been 4 months since the contact happend, he has seen her 3 times and has had several phone calls. My daughter understands that I am her true father, but im sure she doesn't know why bio-dad was brought into the picture. She even refuses to talk to him, in favor of her new "sister" of 7 yrs too. I have already told her I wish we wouldn't have told her. I am sure she is confused and hurt. And I feel that either way this goes in the future it will cause her grief because she knows Mom and I are divided on the issue.
   Our marriage has had its rough times and we were getting better with counciling but when I started to really press for the communictaion with bio-dad to stop, it has been rocky.
   Would it be too horriblefor my daughter if we stop the contact with bio-dad?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Nancy replied 7 years ago.

I'd like you to clarify a few things for me, if you would.

How old is your daughter? Did she know prior to this other man being brought into the picture that he is her bio-dad?

Who is the sister? His daughter?

And, are you saying that your daughter does not want to see her bio-dad?

What did the man say when you told him to stop calling?

And finally, your wife is resuming contact with this man? Are they talking frequently? About what? Are you in on these conversations?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hello!   My daughter, Kayleigh is 7....The sister is, yes his daughter. He also has 4 other kids with 2 other women.... My daughter could care less about seeing bio-dad, and I've tried to explain that she cannot see his children because that is his family, not ours. When I tell him to stop he tells me that we will hear from his lawyer, or I "need to do it for the kids"       And YES they have taled very frequently at first..she even hid another cell phone from me to do so. I believe that beacause of a sexual explicit email she sent him, she has commited adultrey. But she denies being intimate with him. She even started to lose weight, cut her hair, buy new clothes, trip her pubic region down there, before visits. And even took douche to his home. Sorry, I am getting carried away. Please help!
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
My wife's MAIN reason for contacting bio-dad was her fear that I would somehow disown my daughter......I have used the issue of my child possibly not being mine before to hurt my wife's feelings during arguements.
Expert:  Nancy replied 7 years ago.
<p>It sounds to me like during your separation, she contacted him, more for herself, than about your daughter - and maybe had an affair.</p><p> </p><p>Legally, he may not be able to see your daughter - I'd start legal proceedings right away to stop that.</p><p> </p><p>I think this whole thing will frighten your daughter - 7 is a psychologically tender age fraught with security issues. Your wife is really putting her in danger and you and she should be in counseling to resolve some of this now.</p><p> </p><p>Nancy</p>
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