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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4672
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I've been dating a guy for around 9 years, started off as an

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I've been dating a guy for around 9 years, started off as an affair, both divorced, him in Sept 2005. He saw the process and finality of his divorce as a failure, while I thought he would be relieved and freed from what he called a terrible marriage. After the dust setteled I assumed he would make his move and take our relationship to the next level. Over the past 5 years I have become increasingly frustrated and angry with him. Is it wrong for me not to accept him going back to stay with his wife while they were going through the divorce, during the divorce and after the divorce? they have 2 girls both of whom are now 19 and 21. That may now be history as the divorce? He does whatever the EX and his girls demand him to do, is it guilt? or a bond that is lasting? We got engaged on April 10 2008, then he broke it off after the summer, then we continued. I have become frustrated, angry and abusive, I drink sometimes abusively. I have changed so much!now he wants to be lovers not commit.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.
lt;p>Hi there ,</p><p> </p><p>Welcome to Just answer !</p><p> </p><p>Well, it seems that your boyfriend still cannot move on in is life along with you , as he probably is scared of commitment , plus he has two kids already and a close proximity with his ex wife , both of which are reasons which may be compelling him to not to marry you , as probably he must be thinking that if he gets married to you , he may loose his kids love and affection plus the support and sympathy of his ex wife . </p><p> </p><p>So, i feel that it is high time for you to stop beating around the bush , and speak your mind out to him in a very starightforward way because like you respect his feelings , he should also respect yours and after 9 years of partnership , what you are expecting of him is quite justified .</p><p> </p><p>So, i will suggest that in a polite and calm manner have a heart to heart talk with him , tell him that how much you want to be his wife , and how it is very important for the relationship to reach its threashold , as otherwise it will become stale without the concealment a marriage gives to it .</p><p> </p><p>You may ask him to accompany you to a Relationship expert , who will counsel you both and sort out the relationship issues in professional yet friendly manner , these experts are really good at that , so give this a try , if the one on one talk does not work.</p><p> </p><p>I hope this helps.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you all the best .I really hope that everything works out really well for you.</p><p> </p><p>Please press the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.</p><p> </p><p>Regards...</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
He says he doesn't want to get married but is committed and faithful to me - I feel rejected, and scared of the future alone. we dont fully cohabitate but are together all the time. we had a blow up 2 weeks ago with his kids - he jugles the truth to make us all happy and it hits the fan. this resulted me in walking away from the hiloday. he doesnt parent them but kisses up to them to keep them happy and connected to him. his kids live in the UK, were verbally abusive to me - he didnt stand up for me. I'm always compromised when he is between his kids and me. He now feels we need to step back, without moving the relationship forward.
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.

Thanks for divulging on it a bit further.

Now , it is quite clear to see that you are being cornered in this relationship , and that you are not his priority , and there is quite a fair chance right , that he may in future like to go separate ways , i hope you understand that being going backwards in a relationship which is 9 years old , what in future may be stored for you , and that is an unpredictable and insecure future .

So, lady , i will request you to take call at this very moment and give him an ultimatum that you are not going to be ta***** *****ghtly any more and you want him to commit to your relationship and make your relationship a secure and committed one , you deserve it , and if he still lingers on and shys away from committing then i am sorry to say that he will never commit later in life also , so in this case it will be in your interest to part ways with him and start a fresh life , because otherwise you will keep on feeling dejected and as an outsider , and this will take a toll on your health eventually .

I hope this helps..

TAKE CARE .. Stand up to your right and make things clear to him , and wait for his answer , and then accordingly take further action .

Please press the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.