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The year before last I went to see a life coach to help me

Hi there, The year before last...
Hi there,

The year before last I went to see a life coach to help me change some aspects of my life, in particular a childhood habit I'm trying to kick. I noticed that the habit reduced considerably and some other changes definately happened. I then went to see them again last year with a view to getting rid of the habit altogether and I've found that the habit has instead reversed although not as bad as it was originally, whilst the other changes have improved even more. Do you know why this might be as it doesn't make any sense to me.? If you have any advice on what I could do myself to get rid of the habit or to at least take myself back to keeping it under control that would be much appreciated.

Regards

Joanna
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
7/2/2009
Nancy
Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience: ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
Verified

Hi Joanna,

Habits that don't go away typically serve a purpose (which is why they come back over and over).

Depending on what the habit is, I may be able to give you some pointers as to how to work through it.

Is it something you can share with me? Or at least give me a general idea of what it is?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

It's a bit embarrassing as it's something I believe to be very rare.

When I was 7 I caught chicken pox and one exploded under my eyelid. I cleaned my eye and then started checking my eyes regularly to see if there was more mucous to pull out. That turned into a regular habit so the more I pulled out the more mucous my eyes would produce so it's like a vicious circle. I've found it virtually impossible to get rid of this habit even with hypnotherapy, life coaching.

Hope this helps.

thanks

Jo

Jo,

Thank you for telling me - it helps me to help you :-)

A few more questions - if you don't do this - what happens? What do you think and what do you feel?

And has there ever been a time that you stopped doing it?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

It's not something I do throughout the day. For example when I'm at work unless I genuninely feel I have something in my eye I won't do it. It triggers off mainly at night now when I'm removing my makeup (mascara gets inside my eyes). I almost dread doing this now because I know what will happen. If I don't remove the mascara/mucous from my eyes I feel nervous, on edge, irritable. Basically I can't relax until I've cleared out whatever's in there.

I stopped doing it for a bout 3 weeks around 10 years ago. I thought I'd finally done it but then one evening I was very excited about something and it kicked in again.

thanks

Jo

Thanks for this additional information.

People can become 'addicted' in a very loose sense to thoughts, feelings or behaviors for a few reasons: but in every case - it serves a purpose.

It seems this behavior is where you focus all of your attention in order to deal with feelings. Not just bad feelings - but good feelings as well. It's just like you said - you can't relax until you've cleared it out. But the catch - is that you see it as needing to clear out your eye - when the trigger is actually the feeling. Does that make sense? The "problem" isn't your eye - the problem is your feelings - your emotional feelings. Basically, you are taking all of your feelings and funneling them into your eye. You don't have to deal with feelings while you are focused on your eye.

This cycle can become obsessive - where you might think about it a lot or compulsive- where you can't stop yourself from doing it or feel very uncomfortable if you don't satisfy your urge to do it.

In order to stop the behavior, you have to address the underlying issue.

You said you went to a life coach - have you considered seeing a therapist? A therapist would be the professional of choice to see to fully address this issue.

Keep in mind that any behavior that repeats itself - no matter how undesireable on your part is serving a purpose (otherwise - if it were useless to you - it would go away).

Find a PhD or PsyD Psychologist with whom you really have a connection - someone you really like - and trust, who works with this thought-feeling-behavior cycle.

This is actually an easily treatable issue - in person. It's just a matter of finding out your triggers (emotions - like you stated, or whatever else triggers your desire) and replacing that with constructive emotional (or ___ ) responses.

Hope this helps!

Nancy

Nancy
Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience: ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
Verified
Nancy and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

I know I've already submitted my fee as your advice so far has been really useful but I've jsut thought of another question. Are PhD or PsyD Psychologists expensive to see or could I get it for free via the NHS?

Regards

Joanna

Feel free to ask as many questions as you want - we can continue to discuss this - for days, if you want...

I think you can see PhD's or PsyD's (or the equivilant) through the NHS - but I am not positive - I am in the US, and we don't have that here... but I am sure you could easily find out - don't you think?

Can you ask your regular MD for a referral?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I think that I can probably get referred via my local medical centre. I tend to see different doctors so I haven't built up a relationship with anyone but hopefully someone will be able to help. Are you able to see them in the US for free or do you have to pay?

thanks

Jo

Good. I hope you can find someone easily!

Here is the US, there is no free medical care at all- we have to pay for insurance through our jobs (not everyone has to offer it though) and if you don't have a job like that - insurance is barely affordable.

Insurance pays for about half of what the doctor charges - sometimes a little more.

Insurance does pay for some mental health care - but they limit how many times you can go.

It's a frustrating system as we hear about people who need insurance to pay for some life saving treatment and they refuse... and sometimes people can't afford to pay out of pocket... our givernment has been considering starting a NHS because we have so many people who are not insured and can't afford medical care. Some people are really for it and some say it will take the money out of Dr's pockets.

I have a brother in law who is a radiologist and makes over $1 million USD a year - his salary would be cut - greatly! So of course he's not interested...

I think it would be nice - but do hear that appointments are hard to get quickly...

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I really do hope that I can get it for free because so far I've spent between 1 and £2000 trying to get help. I really can't afford to keep doing that when it's not even guaranteed.

thanks

Jo

I understand... let me know what you find out.

It's about 3:30 in the morning here... and I am going to bed now. Email me tomorrow and let me know what you found out!

Night!

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Ok thanks for all your help Nancy. Sleep well!!

Jo

Sorry! I was so tired.... so where were we? You were going to check into whether or not you could see a psychologist - any luck with that so far?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

I was off on Friday and haven't checked my emails since so sorry for late reply. That's ok I would be tired too if it were 3.30am.

I haven't had the chance to ask my GP about that yet but I will do in due course.

Hope you had a good weekend!!

Jo.

Thanks, ***** ***** was great - how about yours?

Can you call your GP today and ask?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
lt;p>It was good thanks. We've just had a heat wave but it has since cooled down.</p><p> </p><p>Do you mean speak to someone at the medical centre and ask if they provide a free service? I wouldn't be able to speak directly to any GP. I'd have to make an appointment first.</p><p> </p><p>thanks</p><p> </p><p>Jo</p>

I am just hoping you can get a referral to a Psychologist nearby. Is that a possibility?

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I don't know, I'd have to make an appointment with my GP first and find out if it's possible.

Jo.

Okay -- let me know...

Nancy

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

Hope you are well and had a great weekend.

I went onto the surgery's website and notice that they offer counselling. Do you think this would be sufficient or do I need someone who's more experienced?

thanks

Jo

Hi Jo!!

My weekend was great - how was yours?

Start with the surgery's counselors and if you don't really connect with the first person - see if there is someone else.... go through all of them if you have to - but find someone who (1) you really like and connect with and (2) is helping.

Nancy :-)

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Hi Nancy,

My weekend was good thanks. Caught up with a friend and spent the day in Camden, looking around the markets and went to see Bruno on Sunday. Made me laugh!!

Ok I'll ask to see a councellor just wanted to make sure that I didn't need to see someone who's more specialised like a psychologist.

thanks

Jo

Great! Let me know how it goes!

Nancy

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Nancy
Nancy
Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
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