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Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4645
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I have this friend that i have been seeing and we have alot

Customer Question

I have this friend that i have been seeing and we have alot of fun together. We have a sexual relationship and i have feelings for him and i know he has feelings for me too. He says he will be there for me no matter what. He even told me at one time that he would marry me and i know he meant it, but one evening he took me out and told me that this other male freind at work said that he slept with me and my heart dropped. I could not even believe what i heard. The sad thing is that he believes it. He told me that this other male friend told him too many things that would make him believe it, but he won't tell me specifically what it is. This freind comes from a divorce and i come from a death. Do you suppose he is saying this crap to me as an excuse not to marry me? he told me that he would have married me, but after hearing this now he says we are just good freinds and he will always be there for me no matter what he is attracted to me for some reason. He has me confused help!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.
Hi there,

Welcome to Just Answer !

Well, indeed this issue is a very sensitive one , which needs to be handled with utmost care , as dissolution of a good prospective relationship is at the helm , so i would request you to be patient and do not rush up to any hasty conclusion.

Having said this , i find one thing very surprising , and i would want you to specifically give attention to this , You said you have had a very pleasant relationship with this friend of yours till recently , and during this course the two of you have become quite intimate with each other , plus he even placed a proposal for marriage in front of you , i fail to understand then why he is trusting the other friend , rather than trusting you .And even if he had doubts about the whole situation , he could have brought you and the other friend together and confronted you both , in which case , i am sure the truth would have prevailed and the other friend's fraud / lie would have been caught .

However , in the hindsight , i believe , he is just making this up or is blowing the whole issue out of proportion , as either he does not want to get into the commitment and mary you or he wants to gain an upper hand in your relationship by making you feel guilty for no fault of yours .

You see, i would definitely suggest you to have a word with him as well as ask him to bring the other friend in front of you and then you may probe that friend of yours who has made up these ridiculous false claims .If your friend complies with your demand , which is justified as your dignity and loyalty are at stake , then i am sure you will be able to prove your self right and rule out all the false pretences , once for and all . i believe by doing so you will redeem your self respect which unfortunately has been dented .

But, if your friend just shuns away your demand , and again stressess on the fact that there is no future for both of you together , then this will be quite inferential that he does not want to be with you, and that it is time for you to close this chapter and move on in life , but , please make him undrstand one thing that the reason he gave for parting ways was a cheap and derogatory one , and that he could have been more honest and dignified , as you expected that from him.

I wish you all the best , and please in any case , you have to take the result in your stride and move on in life , as they say the show must go on. Take care.

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.

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