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Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience:  ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
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My ex breaks up with me every few months. he says that he

Resolved Question:

my ex breaks up with me every few months. he says that he gets severly depressed and that being in a relationship makes it worse. then he comes back when the depression is over. every time i take him back, no questions, and every time his depression is worse. my question is, is this possible, or am i just letting him do this to me because he knows i wont leave.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Nancy replied 8 years ago.


I will start by saying that everyone is different, and nobody can really tell you what is going on with him, but him. But.... that being said, I don't think the two options you've listed are all this could be; I suspect that he grew up in either an abusive home or at the very least, a home where his needs weren't met. I say this because his behavior seems more like a way of managing intimacy.

It also seems like a poor way of managing depression -- it he perhaps bipolar? That would maybe make a bit more sense.

Is he on medication? If not, would he consider it? At the very least, he may need an evaluation to find out if this is bipolar -- it could be that his depressive lows are so low that he really cannot be with someone -- and can be with someone when he is either "normal" or manic.

What do you think?


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Customer: replied 8 years ago.

thank you.

sorry to bother you again may i just ask should i stay and be there for him, or if he is depressed should i leave him alone to work it out himself?

Expert:  Nancy replied 8 years ago.

You are welcome. I would think that if he was doing something proactive to make it better in the long run-- like getting on medication, or going for therapy/counseling, then you can feel safe in knowing that he (and the relationship) will get better -- and these breakups will eventually stop.

But if he just plans on doing nothing-- and nothing will change, you have to decide if you want to be in a relationship where he keeps breaking up with you.