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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My daughter is nine and is a staight A student/in advance

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My daughter is nine and is a staight A student/in advance classes/above average in all areas. She seems to get very verbal with me (dad) and mom almost everyday when she is mad about something. We get "get out of my life- I hate you- I wish you were dead" She does still sleep in our bed... We are at out witts end with her. She more vebal with her mom than with me. What can we do to turn this around?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 8 years ago.
Hi and welcome to justanswer

It seems that your daughter is beginning to reach another developmental stage and is looking for her place in the world. She is still sleeping in your bed? Maybe its a good time to give her some space and offer her a bed of her own. Cosharing a bed with a child should end way before nine. She is reaching a stage in her life where changes are beginning. She is bright and I believe you can turn this around by doing a few things.
First. Listen to her when she speaks. Validate what she is saying even if you do not agree..for example: if she says she is angry because mom said someting that may have embarassed her in front of her friends , validate her by saying I guess I would have been embarassed too if my mom did that and I'm sorry. I'm not saying let her control the familly but set up basic rules that are to be followed. Kids do want to be heard but the problems happen when a mother or father tells them what they should do instead of helping them work out their own problems. The reason they are telling you is they want your approval or may need you to tell them what the boundaries are. It's the beginning of the separation process which is necessary for healthy growth. There is a wonderful book for kids a bit older than your daughter but it may be helpful to you now. It will give you insight to managing teen, it's call "surving your adolescents: how to manage and let go of your 13-18 yr old,' author is thomas whelan and you can get this book at
I am a psychologist and work with a lot of preteen through late teens and found this book very helpful.
These teen years can be great when the parents allow the child who is becoming a woman to take some responsibility upon herself, if she fails it's okay, it is a learning process.'
I hope this helps a bit. Please click the accept button if you are satisified.
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