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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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I have never done this before so bare with me. I was wanting

Resolved Question:

I have never done this before so bare with me. I was wanting to know if anyone could give me some advice about how to help my granddaughter Ainsley. She just turned 3 in January and she is painfully shy around anybody except mom and dad. They lived in S Carolina . Ainsley's other grandmother was just not wanting to be a grandmother I went once a year to spend time with them and it was wonderful. I love being a grandmother. Ainsley has a 1 1/2 year old brother named Heisman and a 2 month old brother named Madden. They have moved to Kansas and have been here sine the 15th of December. But since they have been here I have noticed a few things that I want to help with. Ainsley is painfully shy and not potty trained yet. She speaks with a lisp and still uses a pacifier. She is most happy when she is watching Dora dvd's She can quote everyone of them by memory. I think that mom has just been so busy with the other little ones, that this has been Ainsley's world. How do I help Ainsley?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 8 years ago.
HI and welcome to

Before I answer your request I would like to know the following

Is Ainsley your son or daughter's child?
How often do you see them?

Dr. Keane
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
She is my son's daughter. I try to see them a couple of times per week but now that I have been laid off i am hoping to be more. They are staying at my ex-husbands house in the basement until the restrauant gets on its feet so you can see why I perfer to have them to my house then spend time over there. My ex and I get along fine he doesn't care if I am there or not. he is not home alot. Usually I try to go when my husband can go to, but that doesn't always work.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 8 years ago.
Hi ..thanks for the information. Since they moved here and you have the opportunity to visit more often I would suggest that you not try to take her out to your house just yet. It's important to have a few things in place first. Your son and daughter in law first have to know that you are helping them, not trying to "correct" their parenting. Ainsley needs to get close to you on her terms and that can only happen when she feels very comfortable with you. Keep your visits focused on her but in a discret manner, like reading to her, puzzles, toys, sit on the floor...gain her trust. At three years old it may take a bit of time. The more she sees you the more she will be comfortable with you. Remember to not force her to do things with you....sit and play with a toy and see if she approaches keep doing that every time you come, she'll warm up. At three all she knows right now is her immediate family and may need to socialize with other kids her age in order to be comfortable and less shy.
<br /><br /><br />Potty training...if no one has tried to potty train her I would tread lightly to her mom first and offer to buy or borrow a potty training book to read to her. As she learns about potty training, pull-ups can be introduced. Potty training has a vast array of ideas about how it should be accomplished. I tell parents to relax , it will happen when she is ready (that doens't mean you can't broach the subject and set the pace) . If her lisp is that noticable I would suggest her parents contact the local school district to evaluate her for special services, such as speech therapy. By law a child is entitled to an evaluation and intevention if there is a special need. As for the pacifier, it is used to comfort (could have affect on her speech) ....if it's during the day I would eventually (not right now) see if mom and dad can make a game out of first, keeping it in her bed just for nighttime use and then throwing them away. I would not worry too much about that right now....Most of all be supportive of the young family. It has to be tough having all those young babies and being the oldest. You sound like a very nice loving grandma, most of all enjoy those babies!!!I hope this was helpful.
<br /><br /><br />Dr. Keane
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