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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4661
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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I attended a family party a short time ago and saw a nephew

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I attended a family party a short time ago and saw a nephew that I only get to see briefly about 2 times a year, This young man is 27 has never dated and has been treated for OCD in regards ***** ***** touching things. I said to him while he was leaving that if he was gay all my famliy were there to support him. when I got home my brother -in-law called me and told me to never contact a member of his family again. and that I was mentallly sick and needed to see a psycharist and that I wasn't ever permitted to see my family again until these demands are meet. And that A dr. will have to sign off that After treatment I'm now sane.... I don't get this at all I believe this man has completely overreacted. What should i do. thank you Lynn
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.

Hi there,

Welcome to Just Answer !

Well, i can see that the remarks by your brother in law has made you quite upset and quite understandly so, as he definitely over reacted and made some upsetting assumptions and allegations about you and your husband.

Although, you wanted to just help your nephew , but i think the path you took upon to address the issue , had offended him,as ,like you, he also must have despised any assumptions made about him by others. Well, you certainly could have been more subtle and diplomatic in your approach, but whatever your brother in law said about you is definitely not acceptable and cannot be condoned.

But, i guess you are a much more sensible person than your brother in law is , and come to think of it he has been struggling with his son's problem which might have made him bitter and unreasonable and he ust wanted to get the load off his chest, and you kind of became the scapegoat and he just vented out his frustation on you, which in all probabilities is not the right thing to do.

As of now, i would suggest that you shall give your brother in law and his famly some time to cool down and let them see things with some sort of objectivity and meanwhile you shall refrain yourself from contacting them as you must have heard that time is a great healer. And when some tme has lapsed , with assistance of a nice gift try to meet their family and sort the things out. I am sure the bond between your 2 families is much greater and can see off such obstacles .

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
HI I do agree with all that you have stated above but I did offer an apology the very next day to my nephew via e-mai. However he has refused to respond to me which is ok with me for the time being. However what do I do in regards ***** ***** sisters husband demanding that I get professional help and show him the papers to prove it before I'm allowed back into the family,,, You should also know that even though I have another brother and sister and an 80 year old mother the only one that controls all the family gatherigs(thats right the brother in law from He**). Don't you also think that my husband and myself deserve an apology from him. and what do we do if ine is never forthcoming?????? Please help with all these answers as they are laying very heavy on my heart.
thank you so much
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.

Hi there,

Well , you are right in every aspect of your justification and yes you and your husband do deserve an apology from your brother in law , as right now he is the one who is behaving unlike a mature person and after so many attempts by you and your husband for patch up, any understanding and mature person would have called off the argument and also would have tried to pacify his son instead. But , from what you have mentioned , i do not see it coming any time sooner. And right now you should not feel guilty and doubt your credentials as a good human being , because such things happen in life and i guess you have done more than enough to see off the whole tiff, what can one do if the other party is behaving so childlike and going to the extent of banning someone from family gatherings. I feel this is truly uncalled for, and may be your mother who is the head of the family should intervene and convince your brother in law and his family to let go off the whole issue.

As far as your brother in law's demand from you to seek professional help and produce some kind of mental fitness certificate before you shall be allowed to attend family gatherings is concerned , this in itself is a laughable childish ploy by him to kind of cause emotional hurt to you and to mentally disintegrate you ,so that you become upset and he can avenge his son's insult in this manner. Such kind of behaviour , just shows how disillusioned and unreasonable your brother in law is acting, i would suggest that you do not need to heed his comments at all , in fact they should not be taken seriously at all.

So, i suggest you to talk to your mother and your brother & sister about the whole thing , may be they can intervene and seize the whole issue, but as of now you and your husband have tried enough to appease your brother in law , but to no avail, so you shall not try to apologize again, as right now you people are the ones who deserve an apology, after all you need to guard your self respect also. Also as time passes by, it may bring sense to your brother in law's perspective and he may himself like to close the whole issue.

I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.


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