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Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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What can I say in the court room about Parental Alienation

Customer Question

What can I say in the court room about Parental Alienation Syndrome to help the judge understand what my daughter and I are going through and feeling? My ex wife refused to ever let me see my daughter again after I decided to remarry. My daughter and wife got along like a natural daughter and mother and my daughter began calling her "mom". My ex wife has denied me talking to or seeing my daughter for over 1 1/2 years now. We are missing a lot of time together and we were very close. Please help me with what I need to say. Thank you in advanced. Mark
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
Hi Mark, and thanks for using

I am not clear whether you are asking for mental health advice or legal advice. Do you want to have a family law attorney answer this question for you, or do you want a therapist's viewpoint?

I will be happy to assist you if you want a therapist's viewpoint, but we are not able to give legal advice in this forum.

Good luck.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I would like a therapist's viewpoint. I would like to be able to give the definition of Parental Allienation Syndrome as it applies to what I have told you so far. I would like to be able to indicate what the symptoms could be for the child that I raised from birth to 9 years old to not see her Daddy for over a year and a half. How does she feel? What does she think about me not seeing her? Has she be negatively brainwashed beyond getting her back. We were always so close, and I am being treated for depression due to this situation.
Also, what would be the long term affects on the now 11 year old little girl to not see her Daddy for this long or for the rest of her life? I can't imagine how she feels.
I want to convey all of this to the judge. I can't afford a lawyer, but I know the Lord is with me there. I look forward to your answers. Thank you so much. Mark
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 8 years ago.
OK, Mark. The first thing you need to know is that PAL is not looked upon kindly by all judges, so you may have an uphill battle. However, if your child's mother has not allowed contact for over 18 months it is very likely that the child has been emotionally harmed and certainly could be feeling abandoned. It would be best if she were evaluated by a therapist, who could report those findings to the judge, but I realize that money is an issue here.

We don't know what her mother is telling her about you, but I would think the judge may wish to talk to her about her feelings about you. As for the brainwashing, again, we don't know. The judge may wish to appoint a Guardian Ad Liteum, or Child Advocate, which, unfortunately, will cost more money, but this child needs to have someone who is looking out for her.

As for what to tell the judge, just tell him or her the facts. You have a court order to see the child, you have not been able to see the child, the police haven't helped, you wish to have a relationship with your daughter, and it wouldn't hurt to remind the judge that you have faithfully paid your child support. The good news is that more and more judges are in favor of joint custody of children, and if that is what you want, you should ask for it.

Please let me know if you need clarification on anything I have said. I hope you court appearance goes well. Stay positive, and by all means do not bash your daughter's mother to the judge.