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Ask Lively Your Own Question
Lively, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 260
Experience:  Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, 10 years experience working with individuals, couples, & families
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I'm 42, married 16 years, I don't know if I'm or a sex

Customer Question

I'm 42, married 16 years, I don't know if I'm bi sexual or a sex addict or what. I masterbate to images online almost every day and am drawn to transexual images, but not exclusively, I have been able to get off to just about any genre imaginable. I am obsessed with anal sex, and the bigger the object the better, to the point I think I have done some damage to my anus and sphincster. I feel sick even discussing this topic. I am so embarrassed that I am afraid to get a prostate or colon exam. I love my wife and want to stay with her and for the most part enjoy sex with her, but I am getting more pleasure masterbating and anal stimulus than with her. I don't know where to turn and need help stopping this madness. I am a masculine guy, but have had gay sex, although I do not really enjoy the experience, just the thrill of putting myself in that dangerous situation. Sorry, I'm rambling. Help!!!!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lively replied 8 years ago.

It does sounds like your sexual behaviors may be signs of an addiction. Many people (especially those with histories of other addictions, like alcoholism) are prone to the "high" that can come from risky and/or taboo sexual situations. As you probably know from your recovery process with alcohol, the first step is acknowledging that your behaviors are causing problems, being honest with yourself and your wife about what is going on, and then seeking professional help both individually and probably also together as a couple. There is no easy way to start a conversation or open up about the issues that you've been hiding; there is no "good" time to do it. But the sooner you can be honest about the problems, the sooner you'll be able to get some help in changing your behaviors (which it DOES sound like you want to do).

Congratulations- you've taken a first step by opening up here and getting in touch with your own desire to change.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for your candor and recommendations, but I am not ready to talk to my wife about this. Can you suggest help either on line or privately to come to terms with my problem, I am in the Massachusettes area. Also from a medical aspect, do you have any contacts for me for me physical problems, I can not seek medical attention where I live, to close knit a community and I don't feel comfortable discussing my issues with my family practitioner, specifically in reguards to my prostate and colon examinations. Thank you for the followup.