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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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I am going through a rough patch for the past 2 years where

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I am going through a rough patch for the past 2 years where my husband has been having an affair on and off with a girl half his age, it is getting to me and he does not leave home, i am constantly thinking about what he has done and is doing and cannot get on with my life without talking about it all day long, i need some help please
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.

His behavior is abusive and you should not tolerate his affair. I would suggest that you separate yourself from him. You are simply making yourself available to him even when he is treating you so badly. If you put up with his behavior, you are sending him the message that he can be married and have his bimbo on the side. This will lead to you getting more and more hurt and eventually he will probably just leave. I suggest you get out of this now. Go to see a psychologist and get some help in making this decision. You need to talk to someone who can help you think through this more clearly.

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I am an asian woman and my inlaws and parents will not allow me to do this, he is truly in love with this girl although he is nearly 50, he has broken up with her 4 times sometimes because he knew she had a boyfriend and other when she said she was pregnant and he made her get rid of the baby, do you think this relationship will last as she will eventually want children and he does not, also do you think he could keep up with her, he says he love me too, but this women has some spell on him which he cannot break away from she is really getiing him to use all his money on anything she wants, he has brought a new home, new car, new business new numberplate ,m takes he on holidays and spoils her, she came from poland poverty, she will not let hime go, she will destroy us,i am at my wits, he says today to my mum, at least i come home can you not accept that for the sake of my daughter who needs to get married. he wants his cake and eat at present, i still love him as he is the only man i have been with for the last 30 years and now was my time to enjoy but he is doing it with someone else, please give me a better answer.

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.
Hi Jindu,

Given your situation with your parents and in-laws, I'm not really sure there is an easy solution here. You are presenting yourself as "at your wits end," but you allow your husband to bring another woman into your relationship. I understand the importance of family in Asian culture, but I cannot imagine anyone approving of this type of behavior in a husband. He is breaking his marriage vows by sleeping with this other woman. Additionally, he is robbing you of a good life and a happy marriage. He is completely selfish and narcissistic. It makes him feel good to have some young woman looking up to him and needing him. This young woman makes him feel young and he likes that too much. There is no spell involved...just his desire to feel young and excited. I am very sorry for your situation. Unfortunately, it does not sound like your husband is willing to give up this other woman. Honestly, the best solution would be to leave your husband. However, I know that you say you are not "allowed" to leave your husband. If he would be willing, I suggest that you go to marriage counseling to discuss the impact of this extra-marital affair on your marriage. However, I doubt that your husband wants anyone telling him that he is behaving badly. I'm sorry I cannot provide you with any better answer than this.

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