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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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Myself I am a health professional.I am a asian doctor married

Resolved Question:

Myself I am a health professional.I am a asian doctor married from 7 years,with very dominating in laws,with a good husband all round but who never actively support or ask their parents regarding their behaviour.My coping up strtegy was always submissive behaviour listen to them and make them feel as though they are right and do whatever the would like to.after my second duaghter was born i am almost not allowed to do anything for mother in law will feed her i an allowed to do anything other wise bullying behaviour starts.even now it continues.I had to leave my duaghter with them as my husband was unwell and we were in lot of difficulties.they came back just few days back and same behaviour continues.they don want to involve my elder duaghter in activities of little one and i always feel they shout at her.Today same thing happened and i know in my inner heart they were partially wrong and what i did today is repitition of old behaviour scolding my duaghter.I want your opinion
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Age: 33 yrs; Female, United Kingdom

Already Tried:
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.

What is your in-laws ethnic background?

What is your husband's role in this dynamic?

Does your husband stand up to his parents at all?

Do your in-laws live with you?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
My inlaws are from asian back jusband as such is a good and kind hearted person but when coming to solve the problem with my inlaws we always adopt submissive behaviour except for few ocassions where i was not able to control myself and had big inlaws dont normally live with us but now they are in uk to help us.few times i feel they are trying to help us but some times i feel i am not able to cope with behaviour.needing permission to to take my child
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.

I can understand why you feel so frustrated with their behavior. Perhaps it is motivated out of goodwill and kindness, but they are not handling this situation very well. You seem to feel as though you are being treated like a child and not like a responsible adult. Frankly, we often times need our parents to help out with the kids and it can be really nice to get that help. However, you should not have to ask permission to take your kids back. This type of behavior is extreme and overbearing. I understand their are cultural influences here, but if this is causing you serious distress, I suggest you try something different. You will probably need to get your husband on your side and work as a team to talk with them. They need to respect you autonomy and free will as adults. If they do not, you might consider asking them to stop helping with the kids for a while. Otherwise, you are going to get into a pattern where they do this indefinitely. There is no easy solution, but I feel that you are right in this regard.

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