Im very sorry to hear about your condition. The thing is that in Polycythemia rubra Vera, a bone marrow transplant is not usually undertaken. The reason being that the risks associated with this usually outweight the benefits of transplant. Getting a transplant is not a small thing, it involves a lot of preparation as well as long term immunsuprressant therapy which in turn have a lot of side effects as well. In most texts and guidelines, there is no recommendation for patients to get a bone marrow transplant in this condition. There have a been a couple of studies back in 2007 which dealt with bone marrow transplants but they were on a small scale.
Secondly, in polycythemia you can undergo a transplant if it changes into myelofibrosis, then you would have to undergo this surgical procedure. It's possible that the ladies that you know have undergone transplantation once their polycythemia changed into myelofibrosis.
The reason your oncologist is probably advising against the transplant is that it has too many risks and the current guidelines do not recommend this treatment option. What the current guidleines do recommend is that you be started on any of the several newer medications which can help in controlling the symptoms more effectively. Usually hydroxyurea is prescribed initially which i believe you must have been started on. However if the patients do not respond adequately to this, you can be started on Ruxolitinib (Jakafi), a JAK1/JAK2 inhibitor, which was approved by the FDA in December 2014 for the treatment of patients with polycythemia vera. This along with interferons can be very useful in controlling your counts. Now mostly these treatments are started once your hematocrit and hemoglobin levels are down to a normal level and these drugs can help maintain those levels.
I would recommend that instead of the transplant you should ask your doctor about the above two drugs if they haven't been used yet. A transplant is not a good option at the moment. Here is some more information about this condition which lists all the available treatment option in a concise form.
I hope this answers your question but please if you have any other questions, feel free to ask them.
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