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RobertJDFL
RobertJDFL, Attorney
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This is a divorce question. My husband maintains tb, Ny, He

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This is a divorce question. My husband maintains tb
JA: Because family law varies from place to place, can you tell me what state this is in?
Customer: Ny
JA: Has anything been filed or reported?
Customer: He filed last august but I wasn't home then he changed his mind. But since then he had me served again this spring but it was over 120days old on which it should be served, I guess it null and void..
JA: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?
Customer: Anyway he days I've "squandered" so much that I will get nohing in the settlement

Thank you for using Just Answer. I am a licensed attorney and look forward to helping you. What specifically was your question? What did you want to know about?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
After 22 years of marriage with 2 teens. He is threatening I will not get anything. He recently, pulled everything he had and stocked the kids college funds.
I have made a few goog faith.investions that didn't turnout the way I had hope.
What is your opinion
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
We gave fought to worst manner possible, in front of the kids
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
My husband is upset because I need huge,financial decisions without his knowledge. Our books were never hidden, it,only,because of his scary timidation,
They choose nit,too commicate

Hello,

Simply because investments didn't turn out successfully would not be grounds for a court to "punish" you or award a larger share of the marital property to your spouse. While NY is an "equitable property" state -meaning the court is looking to divide property in a fair, though not necessarily equal manner, a court would be more concerned about a spouse who is "wasting" the funds. That is, a deliberate or intentional misuse of funds. By waste, I mean for example, using funds for an affair. This means you cannot make a waste claim simply because he did not agree with your spending habits throughout the course of the marriage. If, on the other hand, when you learned that you might separate, you spent a whole bunch of money intentionally, that might be "waste." What you are describing does not sound like the intentional misuse or deliberate mismanagement of marital funds.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Robert JDFL
5 ******
Thank you very much! Happy to have helped. If you'd be so kind as to click on the stars to leave a positive rating, that would be greatly appreciated.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
There should be stars that you can click on to leave a rating? Usually at the top of the page, but if you're on a mobile device, you may have to scroll left or right. If you don't see them, I'll let customer service know. Sometimes the site gets a little wonky, not your fault!
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
I clicked on EXCELLENT but not sure it went through.
Amy Button

It did not, I don't know why. The other question you rated worked. Not sure why this one isn't!

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Hi Robert,
These are the financial decisions that we are arguing about:
I was day trading, and after what I thought was some success, I tried to be more successful and make it my job. I ended up loosing a lot. He knew I was trading but we never really discussed it. We've always had a poor communicative relationship and didn't really talk much. He also has a scary anger issue which I always just tried to avoid.
He has a company that we started in 2010. I put it all together (administratively, legally etc..) even chose the name, Button Nutrition Inc. we were the two officers and considered employees of our company. I did all the books, billing, employees everything behind the scenes. He is a dairy nutritionist and a very good one and after working for other people he decided to go on his own and be paid what he is worth.
The way the cooperation was set up, any money in our Button Nutrition account was ours. There was a stock I heavily invested in that began dropping. I did make several transfers from our business account into the Etrade account to support the dropping stock. Our accountant new about it and at any given time the books were there for him to see. I was not trying to hide anything. I was so confident that when the stock bounced back that all would be good.
I have a couple more examples to give you in a bit.
Thanks
Amy

So, then if I'm understanding you, this was a joint bank account, meaning either one of you could take money out of it at any time. Either one of you could take all the money out and close the account, if you wanted to. Heck, if you wanted to buy a herd of alpacas and run your own farm using joint marital income, you could.

Furthermore, it sounds like your spouse could see the bank account balance at any time, and the accountant was familiar with the account situation as well. So then they certainly cannot claim ignorance, or that they had no idea you were spending money.

Let me ask you this -at any point, did you try to hide what you were doing from your spouse? If he had come to you and said "This isn't working out for you, you need to stop trading, we're losing too much money," would you have stopped?

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
No he never did ask me to stop trading and if he had, yes I would have stopped. However; he just didn't know about the transfers. I just never brought it up because I was confident with the end results. He never asked.

But it's also a joint account, so you didn't need to tell him about the transfers. He could have looked into the account and seen the balance in the easily enough -by going online, calling, talking to your accountant. He can't now claim ignorance when access was right there.

RobertJDFL and 5 other Legal Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
correct. We were officers and authorized users of the Button Nutrition account. He was able to look at statements at anytime. I feel badly because the only reason he never did was he trusted me and didn't feel the need. I was not stealing as he claims. I transferred money to my Etrade account to avoid a margin call (when Etrade can sell shares to satisfy the drop in value) but adding more money to the account avoids this and the shares stay where they are and have the chance to rise again. I always thought when the price rises I will just transfer it back. I really did have good faith intentions. I wanted to share the other investments I made.
15k to my nephew for a patent design he was pursuing.
12k loan to my cousin
18k to a friend for start up capital for a new business
10k for a time share (with the intent as a Christmas gift for our family)
10k for investment in another business for a friendNone of these I never mentioned, or any regular spending because we never talk about things. He is also over the top ultra conservative so I just felt that when I started to make returns, he wouldn't care.
I also have a problem with saying no to friends and family when they asked for loans. I am too nice and even though I tried to avoid a couple of them, I was eventually persuaded. Looking back I really was careless with money and poor at money management.

And nothing you've told me changes my answer.

You weren't operating in secret. You didn't "steal" from the account. You both had access to it, and the ability to find out at any time where the money was going. I understand that he trusted you, but that's no excuse for turning a blind eye and then claiming he was taken advantage of. I trust my wife too, but I still look at our bank account to know how much money is in there.

I completely understand that the financial loss may have caused additional strain on a marriage, but if courts punished people for money problems in a divorce, there would be a long line. What about a spouse who is a compulsive shopper? How about one that drinks heavily and spends money every day at the bar? What about someone who has a smoking addiction? Up until he recently quit, my brother-in-law was spending $400 a month just on cigarettes, and he spends at least that much a month on comic books. Is that "waste" as a court would view it? No. It may not be financially responsible to spend half a paycheck on comic books when your car is falling apart, or to invest heavily in a stock in the hopes that it will bounce back but there's no acting in secret or intentional or deliberate misuse of funds.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Thank you Robert,
So he proceeds with the divorce, in your opinion, I would get some sort of settlement? or alllimony? I would never fight back unfairly or go after half of his sizeable 401k etc. Im just worried about paying my bills, he has cut me off financially for over a year now. He and I live at our house with our 17yr and 16 yr old.. and Ive spent everything Ive had left in my stock account. I am currently cleaning houses to pay my car payment, insurance, gas, things for the kids, a loan I have and my credit cards. I do not mind doing what I have to do to pay my bills but I know I am not a thief .
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Robert, another divorce question?
Is it slanderous for him to call me horrible names in front of our two teenagers?
He has said the worst things in front of our children in his scary rages. Although I was mentally hurt, the worst part is my kids having to hear and see our fights and the things he calls me.
Although, he is not a wife beater in any shape or form, he has been physical a few times and the worst one was when he slapped me so hard, I went down to the ground and my daughter ran over to help me up. My lower jaw wasn't right for almost a year later. I finally went to my dentist to have him exray it to make sure nothing serious. No fracture showed so it must have been muscle/ ligiments taking a while to heal. I did give him a little slap first (a little girl slap) because he flipped out because I left the pool heater on and then he started just getting in my face with everything else that was bothering him so I slapped him to get him away from me but then to my horrible surprise, he hauled off and slapped me like it was freight train.

NY is an equitable distribution state. If parties cannot agree, a court will divide all marital assets (regardless of who earned them) in a fair, though not necessarily equal, manner. If you get custody of your children, he would also have to pay child support. Spousal support isn't automatic, but it is something you could ask for.

You could also, once either you or he file for divorce, petition the court for temporary support while the divorce is pending -such as temporary possession of the marital home, temporary custody and child support, and temporary spousal support.

Unfortunately, that is not slander. Slander is a false statement made negligently or intentionally to a third party, which results in damages. Calling someone a name is ***** ***** opinion unless the statement could be taken as fact. I doubt that your children truly believe that you are whatever horrible names you are being called.

As far as the slap -if you had called the police, it depends on how the officers responding would have viewed the situation. You slapping him, even gently, could have been taken as a battery. Certainly you could argue you reacted in self defense, out of fear you slapped him, but an officer may not take the time to consider that, and could have arrested you anyway. Certainly him slapping you was NOT self-defense, and he almost would have been arrested.