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Dimitry K., Esq.
Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Legal
Satisfied Customers: 41221
Experience:  Multiple jurisdictions, specialize in business/contract disputes, estate creation and administration.
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I live in Connecticut, I have been married for 11 to 12 yrs.

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I live in Connecticut, I have been married for 11 to 12 yrs. I have three children the ages of 16 (from a previous relationship), 10 and 6 with my current husband. He has a documented history of substance abuse and DCF investigations due to his substance abuse. He was in recovery for the past 1.5 yrs after being placed in a residential program for 30 days. Once he hit his 1 year of sobriety he has been slowly starting to drink again. Now it seems to be a regular occurrence. I recently found marijuana hidden that belongs to him and he says it is not a big deal and will stop again. I am scared to have him home with our children. The last time he was left home while intoxicated he ended up sniffing ambien, smoking k2 and drinking while I was in school taking classes. I came home to the police surrounding my house and two children locked outside while my 3 yrs old trapped inside with him. That is only one of many incidents and domestics that have occurred over the past 11-12 yrs. He is emotionally abusive to my teenage daughter, he degrades her, calls her names, insults her, etc. A few months ago he got mad at me for not punishing her for being caught smoking cigarettes so he hid about 20 empty bottles of alcohol in her ceiling in an attempt to set her up. Obviously they were his. He did finally confess to this but for months he was in denial. His abusive acts toward her and myself have just got worse. I have her in counseling and I go to counseling as well.

I am afraid what is going to happen next. I found a rifle in our closet. It was not loaded it was locked but I have children I don't want guns out. He said it was because there was a siting of a bear by our neighbor so it was for protection (we have chickens) but that sounds like a ridiculous excuse to me. I want to leave him but I am scared.

Recently on his way home from a concert he began to text me. The text messages all had to do with having sex and how I BETTER BE NAKED or wearing something sexy when he got home. I told him I was sleeping it was close to midnight and too tired and he said a few nasty things but ended with TOO BAD if I don't want too...when he got home he was pissed at me but luckily passed out. The next day we got into an argument about something and I went outside to go swimming where he was. I laid down on the raft and within a few minutes he jumped on me and saying that when we fight it turns him on and I need to 'f**k' him. I told him to stop but he was putting pressure on me and eventually got a finger inside me. The only way I could get him off me was to tell him that I thought I heard our daughter coming outside. I am sorry if I am giving too much information, I just don't know where to go for legal advice.

I am afraid to leave because he is extremely manipulating and controlling and says that I am unfit because I suffer from depression. Also my name is XXXXX XXXXX anything legally, the house, the deed, the cars, his stocks, etc. Everything belongs to him legally. I was told that I if I leave the house it will be considered abandonment and I work as Intervention Specialist for an AIC I don't make 1/2 the amount of money he does. I feel as if his behavior towards me and my oldest is getting worse lately. Then other times he is fine, I am not sure if he is doing other types of drugs or not but what do I do to protect myself and my children. Im afraid to go to police because I don't want my children taken from me, how will take care of them. The last time I threatened to leave he cancelled my credit card.

Again I apologize for unloading all of this - please point me in a safe direction.
Thank you for your question. Please allow me to help.

I reviewed your situation and I am sorry that you feel like you have no options. I do believe that you have some means by which you can get this resolved. If I may ask, other than his threats, why haven't you contacted the police over what appears to be a true domestic violence and an attempted rape situation?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Im not sure what always constitutes domestic violence that can be proven. I saved all the text threats but he has not physically ever hit me. I am also afraid that if I call the police that I will not be believed or when DCF gets involved I will lose my children this time b/c the last case open was not substantiated on me b/c I was not home at the time but I was told that now that I know he has/had a drug or alcohol problem then I can be in trouble too if the police are involved again. I don't want to lose my children- I just want a divorce. He is very good at manipulation and makes good money. He hired an attorney to fight his substantiated abuse case with DCF and won. He gets out of everything. There has been a few domestic reports in the past years ago and I'm embarrassed. I use to work in a DV/SA agency, how could I get caught up in this? Its so humiliating. It wasn't until I spoke to my counselor that I even saw what happened to me by the pool as attempted rape. I was not sure if that was what it was exactly. I felt guilty and ashamed as if I did something wrong.

Thank you for your follow-up.

First of all, please do not feel guilty or ashamed. You yourself did nothing wrong in any way here. Regardless of conflict, no person, be it a spouse or stranger, has the right to put his or her hands on you in such a manner. You didn't bring it on, you didn't ask for it, and you surely didn't deserve it. I am stating that to you not because I am trying to calm you down but because it happens to be true--you do not deserve such treatment from anyone.

As for being caught up in DV, experience has nothing to do with, at times it is the desire to placate and make things better. To put it in a personal perspective, if you think that lawyers cannot be ignorant or dumb about the law when it comes to themselves, you would be surprised.

As for DCF, they do look to parents, both parents, to seek fitness. Having him drink at home is his violation, not yours. It shows him to have a problem, not yours. Similarly, obtaining evidence of his behavior can help, and while he may fight and win once, there is no guarantee he can fight and win again. You leaving does not create 'abandonment' claims until and if you left for a significant period of time, such as 12 months.

I would very strongly urge you to call the police and make a paper trail. If they could charge him, it would be extremely positive for you and the ability for you to protect yourself.

Good luck.

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