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Dimitry K., Esq.
Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Legal
Satisfied Customers: 41221
Experience:  Multiple jurisdictions, specialize in business/contract disputes, estate creation and administration.
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I am 75 years old, living alone and have been friends with

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I am 75 years old, living alone and have been friends with a family in the same neighborhood for about six months. When the mother heard that I had been studying French at HSU Arcata for the last 4 years, she asked if I could tutor her daughter. That went well and the mother has been more than inviting me to dinner and even bringing dinner to me. She even drove me to the ER last March and was very concerned about my health.
After a July 4th party at one of her friend's houses, a remarked on the attractiveness of her friend's 11-year-old daughter, saying "If I were 60 years younger, I might really be in trouble." My friend dropped me at my house and said nothing. We had social relations over the weekend and she even helped me shop, since my car is broken and the closest bus is 5 miles away.
Yesterday afternoon, she came to see me and to tell me how upset she has been at my remark. At first, I did not know what she meant, but when she told me, i admitted that it was factually true, that I had used those words, but that I was thinking of myself at the same age as the young woman I had mentioned. My friend was sad at the whole thing and so was I, since the intent of my remarks had never been physical. My friend had been molested by sever trusted older people in her pre- and adolescent years, so I can see why she might feel upset and super-protective of her 10-year old daughter and 5-year-old son.
She was content she said to keep this between us and her husband, and that I was not welcome in their house anymore. But now she has written me that she has also told the mother and father of the girl I had mentioned. We live in a small community and this could make living here very uncomfortable. She has made her accusation and I could forgive her and live with that, but now the word is loose, I wonder how to protect myself and hopefully undo the damage that I and she have created in each other's lives.

Thank you for your question. I am genuinely sorry to hear that you are in this situation.

You mention that she made an 'accusation'--what specifically did she accuse you of? That you made the comment, or something else? I ask because if you admit to the comments, that is not an accusation, it is a factual statement.

Have you been sued, charged with anything, or has the fact you made those comments simply been disclosed to others?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

She made an accusation that those words I had said quite openly, referred to my life as a much younger person, 60 years ago.
That I used those words is true, but as to their intent, that seems to have been exacerbated by her interpretation of my interest and attention to the girl in question. My contact was fleeting and not hovering, although she nearly accused me of hovering (my word).

My words have been disclosed to others and it is possible that they will spread.


 


Can she make a police report about this, or should I?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Did you receive my extended response?

Dan,

That is not an accusation. If your intent was different but you made the comments, then it is a factual retelling of your own comments. The fact you meant something else by the comments, or a meaning was attributed to the words you did not in any way intend or expect does not lessen the factual truth of the words. This is not a criminal matter either pertaining to you or to her, the comments are accurate and as there was no physical contact, abuse, or further inappropriate activity, this isn't a criminal matter. And as the comments are true, you cannot make her stop repeating them. At most you can threaten (and pursue) a claim against her in civil court for defamation of character but please be aware that truth is the ultimate defense to any defamation claims. She cannot make a police report here unless there is evidence pertaining to you of any inappropriate activity, and neither can you make a report since she hasn't violated any laws.

Good luck.

 

PS. Sorry for the delay, I did receive your post, I was busy typing up an extensive response to you.

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