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socrateaser, Lawyer
Category: Legal
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Experience:  Retired (mostly)
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Ive been married 32 years, am 58 and have 6 yr old twins. My

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Ive been married 32 years, am 58 and have 6 yr old twins. My husband is an eye surgeon and I am a registered nurse- who stopped working as a nurse at the request of my husband to help him start his practice 28 yrs ago. I still work for him.
My husband John has Aspergers and he is getting nastier and crazier. I am finding it harder to live with him. I would like to move out for a while to regroup and decide if I want to be married to him anymore. We live in Pa. I don't know the law about moving out and if it would be considered abandonment. Of course it would be easier if he moved out. The kids and the dogs will be harder to take with me.Could I get an order of seperation for 6 months and ask him to move out? I would still do the officwe work as I always have. I do the data entry and accounting for the practice. It's a demotion from being and RN but we were newly married and I thought this would bring us closer. It has not. What are my recourses if any? Thank-you

Rule #1 (colloquially speaking) of family law is: "Whomever has de facto custody of the minor children when a divorce or legal separation commences, wins everything."

This expression is more than just a bad joke. It is the fundamental legal reality of family law. The reason is that (and, assuming that a judge is truly a neutral decision maker), each party is equal before the court, but the kids tip the scales of justice in favor of the party who is exercising custody.

So, it's really simple: either take the kids with you or don't move out -- unless you want to be on the losing end of everything moving forward.

If your spouse is committing abuse against you, you can obtain a Protection from Abuse Order (PFA) by visiting the courthouse in your county and allowing the family law clerks to assist you in filling out the necessary forms. Under the Protection From Abuse Act, abuse is defined as physical or sexual abuse; causing a person bodily injury either intentionally or recklessly; false imprisonment; putting a person in fear of “imminent bodily injury”; and stalking. Emotional abuse, unless coupled with a credible threat of or actual physical injury, is insufficient to obtain a PFA.

If you get a PFA, then your husband will be forced to move out, and you will have satisfied Rule #1. This may seem cruel, but I'm trying to be objective here -- I'm just tellin' it like it is, not like you or I may want the law to be. Many women have used PFAs for the past decade, in PA and everywhere else in the USA, to obtain a distinct advantage in all family law proceedings which follow. It's not fair, but it's a legal reality.

If you do not get a PFA, then your options are limited. If you move out -- you lose. If you stay, you are miserable. If you move out with the kids, your husband, may go to court to try to get an order to force you to return the children to the family home. That's when things will become quite uncertain, because you will have to show why the kids should be with you outside of the home, and if you cannot show that the husband is mistreating the children, then you may find the judge ordering the children back to the family home, while you stay away -- and, once again -- you lose.

The only other option is to file for divorce, now, while you are living in the family home and then wait and see if a reconciliation is possible. If yes, then you dismiss the divorce action and move on as married. Otherwise you divorce, and ultimately the court will decide who is the preferred day-to-day caretaker for the kids.

That about covers this issue. Hope it helps you find your way to a happier place in your life.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes I see, well I am not stupid! I'm staying. That was good info. I do not want to file a PFA since that will ruin his career. I hate drama and that stuff is drama. I watch judge judy!



You're welcome and good luck.
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