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Jane Doe Deer
Jane Doe Deer, Attorney
Category: Legal
Satisfied Customers: 3896
Experience:  Atty. since 1986; Plain English answers to family law, employment, landlord-tenant, & other questions
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Hi, I am an African-American male who has been receiving death

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I am an African-American male who has been receiving death threats from my Caucasian ex-spouse. She has sent someone once before to harm and or kill me and a friend. She has extorted me of over $10,000 and has physically and mentally abused our 10 year old daughter and 8 month old son and once, drugged my son so he would sleep while she had a sexual encounter. I told the 5th precinct police of this and gave them audio recordings, voicemail, text and written proof of this and they have chosen to do nothing. I called them once because my ex while abusing my daughter, slammed my, then 7 month old son into a wall while he was in his car seat carrier. My daughter told the police that her mom, my ex was lying to them bout the account, but they arrested me and left my children with her. They did not call CPS, which is normal procedure when they receive a call of that nature. While in their custody I pleaded with the officers of the 5th precinct in Medford, Ny, to at least go back by the house to check on my kids. They said they will. Upon getting out of jail a few days later my daughter told me no one came to check on them and that her mother threatened and abused her throughout the night because she stood by her dad. I took my audio evidence of my ex beating my daughter and threatening to throw her into the street so some men can take her, audio of my ex threatening my life if I don't give her money whenever she demands it, audio of my ex abusing the restraining order she attained by giving police false reports, and calling me to get back to the house or she will call the DA and or police and tell them some story so they will put me in jail and I will never see my children.
My ex-spouse has sent an individual, her cousins husband, to harm and or kill me and a female friend I had not seen or heard from in over a year. This woman called me and said a man was at her house, asked her name then walked in uninvited and was asking was I there. She was afraid and just answered his questions hoping he would leave. At one point the individual said he believed her and stated that my ex-spouse offered him sex to do things for her. He then asked the woman if she had some Vicodin and or Xanex pills in the house he could have. He then called me and asked if I knew where he was then told me. I assume he was trying to see if he would hear my phone ring in the house. I told him to leave there or I will call the police. The woman didn't call the police because she is afraid because they know where she lives and doesn't know how they found her. I didn't even know her address.
I took the evidence to a precinct outside of my town, the 1st Precinct and they made a report and stated my ex was going to be arrested. I asked if they were sure, because I am afraid for my life and the safety of my children. They said she will be arrested for sure for the death threats they heard on the audio recorder and voicemail. He then stated that they would have to forward the paperwork to the 5th precinct, being that was where my home was. The next day a detective Murphy from the 5th Precinct called me and stated they are not going to do anything and not arrest her. I told him she is now having sexual encounters with a married italian drug dealer fresh out of Rikers Island. I know what her intent is. I asked the detective are they just waiting for her to kill me or have someone else kill me. He stated if something happens to you, call the police.. He then ended the conversation.
I have come to believe they are not helping us because I am black and she is white. They are endangering myself and my children. I have not seen my children in a week since this last incident. It hurts being away from them. We need help from somewhere. Can you please assist us.

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I look forward to assisting you.


While we write back and forth, please keep in mind that I do not know what you already know or don't know, or with what you need help, unless you tell me. Sometimes I'm unable to read your entire question until AFTER I write back to you.


Although it's usually five minutes, sometimes there can be a delay of an hour or more in between my answers because I may be researching the answer to your question, helping other customers, or taking a break. If we are writing late at night, I may have to go to sleep and resume helping you the following morning.


I need the following information before I can answer your question:


Hi - thank you for being a repeat customer. I switched to "question and answer" instead of chat because your question is easier to read this way (for me).


Would it help me to know anything else before I begin to work? For example, would it help me to read your previous Just Answer question and answer?




Please be aware that and are pay-for-answer web companies. You have offered to pay me $38.00 for my answer and I have accepted.


I'll look forward to hearing from you,


Jane Doe Deer


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
This is the first question in regards XXXXX XXXXX matter. Thank you for assisting me

My pleasure. Since what you wrote is so long, mind if I just ask a couple of questions to get me started?


Do you have a restraining order against the ex-spouse?

Do you have a court-ordered right to visitation and/or custody?




I'll read through your whole question in the meantime.



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I don't have one against her yet. I am working on that tomorrow. I procrastinated on that because our children do still love their mom as any child would even if they are abused, in most cases. I don't wish to be like her, but I think it is now necessary. There is no order in effect to keep me from them but I am sure she is working on that. She is very malicious and manipulative.

All right - so far it sounds as though you were never married, and have never received any court orders regarding custody/visitation/child support.


Am I understanding your situation correctly?


Sorry, I know this isn't as easy as talking face to face, but bear with me.


Please correct me if my understanding is wrong.





Customer: replied 6 years ago.
That's ok. I appreciate you help, regardless. You are correct, never married just common law as they say. The house is in both our names. I am staying with my brother and the kids are there with her.

Got it, thanks!


All right, two last questions, I promise -


How long did you live together?


When did you move out and why?


Thanks - as soon as I hear back, I'll starting working through all your options with you, all right? And I know you're real upset right now, so thanks for your patience, too. You have my promise that things will improve.


Waiting to hear back,



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Live with her for over 10 years between two homes. This home is our second. I left the house because I can't live being a prisoner, her prisoner, I can't live with someone who wants to control, extort, abuse and cheat. I left on October 28th, about a week ago. That's when she followed through with her threat to call police if I left and tell police of her actions.

OK, I will be back with you in less than five minutes.


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Ok Thank you.

All right. One thing at a time. This blow-up just happened, but it sounds as though you have been an abused partner. The general public often thinks of women as being the victims of abuse, but men, like you, are often the victim.


If you do a Google search ( you'll no doubt find all kinds of groups, free, for battered spouses and partners. Go a couple of times and see if the shoe fits.


Now, again, this just happened, but it's been building. What will happen with property division, custody, and visitation will be virtually identical to the process one follows for a divorce.


You'll need to do take several steps.


One is to start a court action in family court for property division, custody, visitation, and child support. Another is, at the same time this gets started, is file for an immediate hearing, to obtain an immediate (expedited) court order setting custody, visitation, child support, and real and personal property. You may even be able to get your ex kicked out of the house and have you stay there with the kids.


I'd like you to read this overview (which I neither endorse or not endorse) - read it even though it focuses on divorce, just as a starting point:


Next, you're lucky, in that New York has all the forms you need for getting started for free right here:


If you want to hire an attorney, try to get a reference from someone you trust. Check references before hiring. Look for a Family Law attorney with at least five years experience. Expect to pay an hourly fee, and a REFUNDABLE retainer of $5000 or more.


Do you have any follow-up questions? If so, just write back - no extra charge!


Now, as for calling the police, etc.--how can I help you?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for the information. In regards XXXXX XXXXX police, what do you mean. They are not helping us. I thought extortion and death threats are a crime, regardless of color and or sex. It's wrong what they are doing. I don't know what to do.

It's most likely not a matter of race or sex. More likely, the police see the situation as a "family matter" and they hate to become involved.


What to do - file an action in court, as a I suggested, and get a restraining order/order re: custody, etc, as I suggested. As part of this legal action, ask the judge for a return of your money AND at least ask for penalties. (This would all be as part of your family law issue).


As far as a criminal matter, I reread your question -- it sounds as though you filed a police report, but the police decided not to do anything. They often don't. However, you can "go over their heads" by contacting the prosecutor's office (district attorney) for your city or county (borough, whatever) and ask to make an appointment to ask them to consider a criminal matter.


No matter what you do, I urge you to sit down and write out a chronological list of what happened.


The first date should be the date you met your ex.


The birthdates of all children should be listed.


The date you bought your home together (both).


The date you moved out.


The date you were threatened.


Sit down, and write all this down, in no more than five pages, in chronlogical order.


If you can, do it on the computer (if you make the list in excel and use a column for dates, you can sort it easily).


What I'm saying is, you need to get organized, and have something clear and written out. Also, write on the list the date you prepared the list and sign it. Be aware that should you end up in court, you can use this list as one of your exhibits. The "other side" can question you about it, so make sure that everything on your chronological list is backed up with fact.


I think we're past race discrimination on these matters. I can't say for certain that we're past gender discrimination - men are more likely to get custody than they used to be, but it's my understanding that courts still tend to favor mothers for custody.


I'll be happy to write back, even after you "accept" my answer. That's what I'm here for. However, if you don't click "accept," I won't be paid even a dime for helping you.


Take care, and take a 15 minute time to relax and breathe.


I know this is a horrible situation right now, but it won't be for ever.







Jane Doe Deer and 2 other Legal Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much Jane

You're very welcome. Thanks for accepting, and my best to you.



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
It's been a while since i've seen any light in all this darkness. I because of you I feel like hope is still here. So much thanks. Thank you.

James [email protected]
Thanks for making my day!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do I have to click the Accept link shown here? I clicked on one earlier.

Oh, no, you already accepted. Once is all. Goodnight. I hope you can get some sleep.



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Eventually, yes. :) More peacefully thanks to you. Goodnight