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I'm sorry that you are having this issue. You can certainly change programs as long as you maintain your current status until the amendment is filed. You have to find a new program that will take you. Here are a few links:
If you find a program to sponsor you, they can file an amendment so you can go to work for them.
As far as the J-1 waiver, you can continue to try to get it or if you want, you can quit and you can go home for 2 years. Quitting will not cause you to not be able to get Residency through your spouse. It's just that you either have to go home for 2 years or you have to get the waiver.
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