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He has no time for me

I was just

Second opinion] <p>He has...

Second opinion] <p>He has no time for me</p>
<p> </p>
<p> I was just searching because my husband works all the time and when he doesnt he talks to his brother on skype or sits in front of the television with a larger .

Doctor's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

I am perfectly happy and in love , but my husband works all the time because he has a self employed buisness and also because he loves his job . I also have a buisness and we have two children between us . I also work alot . I am happy that we are not with each other all the time but it gets to the point that I feel we never even have a conversation . Probably I am quite boring which is why when he is not working he needs to relax by watching the TV or skyping his brother . When we do get to be with each other for a whole day its amazing and all the love comes back but inbetween times which can be a month or more I start to feel distant , unloved and just a burden . When I have problems or worries I cant talk about it , because he doesnt have the time and it just annoys him . I feel like I am a burden for him . I have tried to talk to him , but I feel he doesnt really understand it and just says " So I am in the wrong" , takes the offensive . Perhaps I dont know the right words , or approach him wrong . But I just feel distant , and feel that my needs are not taken care of . I think he feels emotional needs are not a need . He is less needy then me . He spends very little time with our girls , but feels that it is not needed and that love is there anyway . His needs are certainly different then mine I think , hence the conflict . My father died last December and he found it very difficult to cope with my emotions to the point that on one occassion he shouted at me alot and threatened to go away for the night and that I should see a psychologist because I am crazy . This just made me worse and I felt I had noone in the world . He does love me but I realise he can not cope with emotion . The problem is I need someone who can . I try very very hard to keep my emotions in . It is easier for him . If I talk about the loss of my dad or any other emotions he just says "what am I surposed to do " . He feels like he has to fix it , and ometimes gets quite angry if I talk about my feelings . He says he can not understand . This worries me for our future as we get older and maybe more problems arise . Everything emotionally is fine right now , things are good but its when crisis hit such as the death of my dad , when you go to your loved ones for support . But though I desperatly need my husband for that , he can not give it too me . He has no time for me , and when he does then only for the happy times . The sad times he can not cope with . I am not sure if I make sence . I tried so many times to talk about this but he just doesnt understand .

Doctor's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I dont know . I just wrote how I feel .</p>

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Answered in 2 days by:
10/20/2017
Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 951
Experience: Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
Verified
Hi, and thank you for choosing Justanswer about your concern. I’m Dr Ted Manos M.D., obgyn and I can respond shortly. I have extensive experience and training in communication between my patients and people in their lives.
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Thanks for being open about yourself and your husband. You are in love and your husband loves his work and provides for both of you. You have a business that keeps you busy. You are not happy with emotional needs your husband doesn’t provide. You don’t want to be a burden and you probably could lighten the burden by thanking your husband for the good times and forgiving his faults. He sounds like a typical male that doesn’t want to hear he’s wrong about things. Men get wrapped up with the things they like to do, but the wife feels alone. You may need counseling about your situation or I understand what you need to feel better about your life. You have two daughters and this is something you have to handle and hope your husband can help. You lost your dad, and that was a difficult event that still affects you. I doubt your husband can help you as it was your dad that he didn’t grow up with. You are normal and not a burden. You have these feelings but they play in your mind and you find yourself less happy and more fearful of the future. There’s an old remedy of counting your blessings but I think you would be better by thanking your husband for his strengths and just asking him to hold you when you need some love. It’s hard enough taking care of ourselves through life but we are not trained to understand the mechanism that runs in the background of men and women. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad, but maybe there is some counseling that can make your days less difficult. Asking most men to help you with emotional issues, is like asking a plumber to fix trouble with your kidneys or your arthritis. I hope my comments can help and thanks again for choosing Justanswer.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
That all makes perfect sence ! The reason I asked for a second opion was that the first one said he was 100 % sure my husband had Aspergers. I personally felt that my husband was just a typical male , and abit harder then most, due to his upbringing and culture etc . My niece has Aspergers, and my husband is certainly nothing like her. Is it normal to have two opions that are so very different ? I have to say your opion will work better for us . He is not going to change , but he does love me, and I do love him . I can get emotional support from else where which then allows us to enjoy each other . Though he does still work too much ! But I guess no councelling or advice is going too change that . He does respond well to praise, and any form of putting him down, no matter how slight , ends up in negativity . But the problem is I need prise to , but I dont get it . Then it leads into this circle of putting each other down . So I guess I need to change if I want to change things . Not to be sad about all the things he does that makes me sad , but to work on giving him all that I can emotionally and maybe the cycle will be broken and he will be more positive to me. I think your advice has stopped me feeling sorry for myself , and maybe I can get this solved ! Thank you !
I loved your text about your situation. Asperger s is all about a person’s interaction with people. If your husband isn’t like your niece, then he doesn’t fit the Asperger description. However, dealing with men can be like dealing with Asperger’s. Many men don’t know, they don’t know how to be a complete partner. They can be trained with love and praise. Thanks for using Justanswer.
Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 951
Experience: Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
Verified
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