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Chris C.
Chris C., Nurse
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 1081
Experience:  Nurse with with 10+ yrs. in wellness care, geriatrics, hospice and acute care.
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Second opinion] I cheated on my girlfriend a year ago she

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Second opinion] I cheated on my girlfriend a year ago she didn't confront me for a couple months after finding out about it. When she did confront me I confessed and we have since had multiple conversations about it. She says she forgives me but as of late she has been spending a lot of time at another mans house in which she knows it deeply bothers me and puts me through tremendous heartache. She is trustworthy and says she will not ever cheat on me but she continues to go over to this mans house. We will be getting along great yet she goes over there and stays all night telling me she will come hang out with me she wants to see me. But she doesn't come she stays all night with this man until I beg her enough to come over. She finally does after making me wait for hours stewing about her being there and spending hours being sad and experiencing sorrow I have never felt. She justifies this behavior by saying "you cheated you broke promises." All this is true but it happened months ago going on a year to more ago. Is justified in consistently hurting me by saying my acts of a year ago are reason for her to constently hurt me? Should I continue to put up with this?
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  Chris C. replied 4 months ago.
I think you know exactly what the problem was and what the answer is. I am going to be straight forward without the fluff for your answer. I think that is really what you need. You messed up like so many people before you and so many people will in the future. You knew what was coming just by her not saying but knowing of your cheating for two months. This was and continues to be a problem of control. During this 2 month period you were harder on yourself than she ever could have been. It is clear that your feelings for her and your fear of losing her are allowing this unhealthy power she has over you to continue. I don't know who this "other man" is or the relationship between them but what is very clear is you are being used and punished. If she really wants to be with you she wouldn't stay with another person especially a man she knows upsets you until you have beat yourself up like a whipped puppy begging for her attention. I'm sure you know that if you have to feel so horrible just to get her to show you attention this is not friendship and certainly not love. This is a sad, sick game that often progresses to you feeling more depressed and dependent on what little attention she will give you and her behavior becoming much more demanding of your obedience to whatever she wants. I know this hurts. Your fear of losing her causes a real psychological and physical pain that leads down a road of depression and sadness. You must consider this though... If you are not comfortable alone how can you ever be happy with anyone else? I am talking anyone you may have a relationship with not just her. She is playing you clearly and with the level of despair and frequency this is occurring you honestly know this is not a healthy relationship. If you have to be torrented to stay in a relationship then do you really think this is what love is? If you are so afraid and ashamed how long will this last? Would you ever marry someone like that just to not be alone or have children at some point to see what "love" is? I am sorry for your sorrows. You made a mistake. A BIG one! But, in life we all make mistakes maybe not like this but we all make bad choices. The way we grow is to learn from those mistakes and remember when we are getting ready to repeat them. I will let you know that I have never been the one to cheat but I have been the one cheated on and the trust that is broken and the hurt is the same no matter who did what. You ignore the unpleasant truth and think it will all be ok. The truth is it doesn't get better with time. I tried to forget and that classic line of "it will never happen again" after the fourth or fifth time just doesn't solve anything. While I'm on the other side of the fence it's still the same hurt, hope it all works out, fear of losing your whole world, and ultimately the end of the road. I have been there and I understand. I know you regret your actions and she will never let you live it down. The road you are on is not the road to happiness. This path leads to far worse things and you know you can't keep this up. You need to think of you long term and what will really make your own lifetime better. I have a feeling that once you remove the negativity you will find out more about what was really happening than you ever could with your eyes closed in misery. I wish you luck and we are always here if you need someone to talk to about your life.