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Family Physician
Family Physician, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 12816
Experience:  Emergency Medicine and Family Practice for over 26 years
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I am trying to decide whether I should move on from my

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Hello. I am trying to decide whether I should move on from my marriage or continue trying to convince my spouse to stop his marijuana use. I cannot pay for counseling at this time and hope to get some input. Thank you.
Thank you for your question:

How long has your spouse been using marijuana?

What problems has this caused?

How often are they using? How much?

What response have you had to your efforts to have them quit?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello . He has been using mj since he was about 20 , and he is now 45. He tells me that since he was a small child he was unable to relax or sleep well. He would lie in bed for hours before falling asleep, and he just assumed it was' normal'. Per his parents and sibs he was always very active. And hair trigger temper. He is, I strongly believe, undiagnosed ADHD. His mother is an RN and his father a PHD and both are vehemently opposed to psych meds. I am opposite of this and believe that meds are very necessary if a person has a chemical imbalance. Just as necessary as a cast is to a broken arm, or insulin is to diabetes. Interesting, everyone in his immediate family of origin is either alcohol or mj dependant. Seriously dependant.

When he quits, he becomes very angry, short fuse, racing thought. ... and he breaks things or is self abusive. He doesn't eat and is completely absent emotionally. He basically acts like a total ass until he either goes and buys more OR about a month passes. He then becomes quasi normal, but acts quite depressed (nothing seems to make him happy and he NEVER laughs. He is very resentful that' society' Makes him unable to smoke as he'd like. Sometimes when he quits mj he will get drunk all the time, when home. Honestly, as i write this I'm seeing what a horrible situation this is. I don't know how to resolve this mess because i Will have to uproot my kids and live who-knows-where, as i cannot afford to live here w/o his income but we are barely scraping by and could not afford separate apartments or whatever. If you have anything that could help I'd appreciate it. I'm drained from writing this. Yuck.

Thank you for this additional information.

Unfortunately, with this long history of marijuana (and alcohol abuse) and a family that appears to be sabotaging any efforts to change his behavior - I seriously doubt that you are going to be able to change his behavior.

You said that you can not pay for counseling, however, there are often many free (or lost cost) options available through your county/state mental health clinic or non-profit or church organizations. You spend some time with a counselor to review the impact that his behavior is having on you and your family. Ultimately, I believe you are going to have to seriously consider going it alone.
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