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Dr. German
Dr. German, Doctor (MD)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 3834
Experience:  MD
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My mom has MS, DPD, and AVPD. She admitted to AVPD but we've

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My mom has MS, DPD, and AVPD. She admitted to AVPD but we've never discussed the others. She has had time spent in mental hospitals, but that was back in the 70s. Right now her disorders are very prevalent as she has moved from daughter to daughter to live (it is so difficult to live with her because she takes advantage of you, is inconsiderate of you, and depends on you for everything). She is down to the last daughter who may be putting her out soon. Now, I believe mom will do something to herself in a desperate attempt to make me come get her and move her back here to TX with me. My question is, Do I tell my mom I believe she has MS and DPD and she needs help? She'll deny it. I am worried to tell my sisters as 1 has BPD, 1 has NPD, and 1 has AVPD & DPD. It would be hell on me dealing with their personalities. What do I do?

Welcome and thanks for your question I am Dr. German I would be here to help you and give you assistance until you are satisfied, dealing with any family member who has a personality disorder is extremely difficult .

But you have to face the situation how it is and learn to say no to your family . First , You have to be honest and sincere about your mother's medical condition,tell her clearly that if she comes back with you ,she needs therapy and if she does not receive that therapy to model her behavior , she can not live with you .

Do not hesitate , if you do it ,it is gonna be worse at the end . Get ready and prepare yourself mentally to deal with the confrontation and the volatile reaction they could have, what you need here is changing the way you behave with your family ,it could be hurtful , but at the end of this process , they will need to change specially your mom.

Most people with these conditions use the guilty feeling like a weapon ,so everytime ,she uses that resource . Bring it to her attention,like you know mom I refuse to talk to you if you continue making me feel guilty until we can establish a normal mature conversation.

There are also some helpful tips I could give you :

1- If you can not deal with your mom for a long period of time , You have to establish that,so every sister take care of your mom for the same period of time and alternate 1-3 months at most .

2-Maintain some emotional and personal distance from your mom even if you live together so she does not affect your life even more.

3-If she gets angry ,mad or yells at you stop the conversation ,walk away until she calms down .

4-Remember you need to stay your ground and slowly she will adjust to this new relationship with you. I also think that Family Therapy would be extremely helpful for all of you .

5- Establish clear parameters what you can do for her and what you would not do for her.

Good luck if you need any additional help I will be to help you.

If you need any additional information I will be happy to continue further and assist you until you are completely satisfied . Good luck to you and have a good day !

Please leave a positive feedback ( click on excellent or good service ) if you are satisfied with my answer.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks Dr. German. So are you saying I SHOULD tell my mom that she has Munchausen Syndrome and Dependent Personality Disorder? That was my original question. Also, do I tell my sisters that that's what she has? My mom keeps going from daughter to daughter and won't live on her own. I want them to see why and that it needs to be treated, but afraid they'll turn against me. They have disorders too and 2 of them won't speak to each other. Is it best to share this information about my mom with my sisters too?

You definitely have to talk with your sisters and explain what your mother has ( Munchausen Syndrome and Dependent Personality Disorder ) . If they get mad or angry, You have to tell them clearly that if you gonna share the responsibility of taking care of your mother , you need for them to be aware of what is happening . I understand you love your mother and your sisters but you also need to take care of yourself and establish clear parameters about under what conditions you will take care of your mother .
If you need any additional information I will be happy to continue further and assist you until you are completely satisfied . Good luck to you and have a good day !
Please leave a positive feedback ( click on excellent or good service ) if you are satisfied with my answer.
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