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Susan Ivy
Susan Ivy, Nurse (RN)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 4058
Experience:  BSN, MSN, CNS
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How do I overcome childhood learning dissabilities guilt and

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How do I overcome childhood learning dissabilities guilt and shame of masturbation alcahol addiction and a deep feeling of loneliness as if ime trapped in a black hole. I have abused myself and my family with my own feelings of anger and resentment can I recover from the internalised pain I have put myself and my children
Nurse72 : I'm sorry to hear you're troubled. You should consult a psychologist for therapy and a psychiatrist for possible treatment. They can help you work through your problems and give you advice for coping with your feelings.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I became very withdrawn and neglected my sisters they were so much stronger than me I could not think straight and everyone hated me. Since leaving school I took various jobs then felt even more isolated nervous and afraid of the world I tried to escape by using alcahol to escape my feelings. I joined AA a couple of years ago and they telle that I have not got long to live. I have two beautiful boys and the anxiety of leaving them is killing me along with the guilt and shame of trying to get what I wanted from self will and ego. People from AA say I am a self centred bitch and that all I have achieved from my twenty year marriage has just been a phassad. It just makes me feel that life is not worth living and then on top of that there is a good chance that my children will follow in my footsteps. Please help me. I've been involved with mental health for fifteen years. There many humiliating experiences also from early childhood and perhaps that is why when I was nine I was thinking about horse riding then acting it out with a couple of pillows on the bannister at home one night then I had strong feelings down there and felt that something terrible was going to happen almost as if I was inviting in the devil. I had an orgasm and from that moment I believe my own spiritual self had gone for ever and have been looking for it ever since
I'm sorry to hear you're so troubled. Do you have a terminal illness? Do you take any medications?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You stated that AA told you that you haven't got long to live? You really need to consult a psychiatrist for treatment and therapy. You seem to have a very complicated situation. I will opt out of the question so that another expert can help you.

I am so sorry for your situation.

A large part of your problem seems related to guilt and religion.

What happened to you on the banister is as natural as can be and nothing to be ashamed of, although certain religions may teach people to feel guilt and shame about these things.

You mention you have been receiving help in the mental health field for 15 years. I am so sorry that you have not found anyone that seemed more compassionate to your issues. Do you live in a rural area? If not you might have better luck at finding a mental health professional that has training with child hood issues and sexual issues.

12 step programs can be helpful, but you have to find the right people to help you. There are going to be negative people in any particular group, but hopefully some positive people as well.

Particularly since you have so many regrets and feel guilty, it would be helpful for you to work on the 12 steps with a sponsor. This is because there are exercises you do with the end goals effect of relieving you of the guilt and shame that you feel so deeply, and which is something that drives you to abuse substances as well.

A reference for you is
This website has very good non-commercial (they are a non-profit organization) self help information. I encourage you to read it as much as possible. You can get better.

I hope this information is helpful for you, and if you have follow up questions feel free to reply.
Susan Ivy, Nurse (RN)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 4058
Experience: BSN, MSN, CNS
Susan Ivy and 2 other Health Specialists are ready to help you