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911Doctor, Doctor
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 5094
Experience:  Board Certified Emergency Physician
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I am 81 yrs old with a sex desire of a 21 yr old, my lady friend

Customer Question

I am 81 yrs old with a sex desire of a 21 yr old, my lady friend of 14 yr has never refuse to having sex with me. When we are kissimg I get a huge erection, but when I lay down on the bed, the erection goes away. Whats happening there? We do oral sex (me to her, then her to me) but the big problem there is that I can not ejactulate, Is there any thing I can do to help that problem?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  911Doctor replied 5 years ago.

911Doctor :

Hello and welcome to JustAnswer,

911Doctor :

well yes, in fact...

911Doctor :

there is lots to do

911Doctor :

but the place i need for you to help me start is with a few questions...

911Doctor :

are you there?

911Doctor and 4 other Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  911Doctor replied 5 years ago.
I did not see you in the chat session.

You are describing something called 'ANORGASMIA', literally, the inability to have an orgasm.

You need, especially at age 81 WITH the ability to archive erection AND the desire intact, to see a urologist.

and as you can see you will need a specialist to give you a good exam and hopefully help you to fix this problem as it must be VERY frustrating. I have taken the liberty of quoting from the above link to show you what the most likely candidates would be for you..



Physical causes of delayed ejaculation include:

  • Certain birth defects affecting the male reproductive system
  • Injury to the pelvic nerves, which control orgasm
  • Spinal cord injury
  • Prostate surgery, such as transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP) or prostate removal
  • Heart surgery
  • Prostate infection or urinary tract infection
  • Neurological diseases, such as diabetes, stroke or nerve damage to the spinal cord

Psychological causes of delayed ejaculation include:

  • Depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions
  • Stress
  • Fatigue
  • Relationship problems due to stress, poor communication or other concerns

Medications and other substances that can cause delayed ejaculation include:

  • Most types of antidepressants
  • Certain high blood pressure medications
  • Certain diuretics
  • Some antipsychotic medications
  • Alcohol — particularly drinking too much (alcohol abuse or alcoholism)
  • Illegal drugs, including marijuana

For some men, a minor physical problem that causes a delay in ejaculation may cause anxiety about ejaculating during a sexual encounter. The resulting anxiety can worsen delayed ejaculation.



A urological surgeon (Urologist) WILL be able to help you and, likely, provide relief. I would start with a urologist and not with your doctor unless your doctor has a special expertise in delayed ejaculation.


I am standing by if you have any questions. Oh, and if you are at a loss as to how to find an excellent urologist near you go to and type in 'urologist' and your zip code... you can then see who is nearby and who is highly rated.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I take the mayo prints out, I was hoping you could give me anwswers to why I loose my errection when I lay down. And why does it take so long to ejaculate when I am recieving oral sex? The sensation of oral sex is unexplainable it is so great.
Expert:  911Doctor replied 5 years ago.
you are asking me to answer things that a urologist would need to do a physical exam at the least to determine, however, when you lie down you may be experiencing decreased blood flow to the penis, and the way this would be determined is with an ultrasound of the abdomen to check the aorta and the illiac arteries. you are at an age where you could easily have a mechanical blood flow problem. again, this is not something you can diagnose apart from some pretty specific and complicated testing. but my best GUESS based on what you are telling me is that you do have a blood flow problem and if you do it has much more importance than simply an inability to archive orgasm because the kind of obstruction that could cause this in the arteries that supply the penis (cholesterol plaque build up) WOULD ALSO be present in the coronary arteries.

in other words, because you might have a mechanical, blood vessel problem with the penis, you might also have an undiagnosed problem with your heart.... you could be at risk for heart attack.

I wish i could tell you what this is, but based on a story alone my guess is a mechanical blood flow problem. a Urologist will be able to tell with an exam, and, likely, an ultrasound.

Expert:  911Doctor replied 5 years ago.
also, even though you do not mention back pain, it is possible that you have a nerve problem form an occult herniated disc in the lower back. this would explain why when you lie down the ejaculatory function does not work as the disk would then be exerting pressure on the critical nerves. again, guessing, but it's a reasonable guess. an MRI would help determine this.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I feel like I got a suggestion instead of a answer
Expert:  911Doctor replied 5 years ago.
let me ask you this sir,

knowing that diagnosing the cause of anorgasmia includes possible psychological causes, possible mechanical causes (arterial or venous disease), possible neurologic causes (spinal nerve impingement), and even caused from cancer, please tell me how you would like me to answer your question.

I am not being sarcastic, I am pointing out that while it would be great to get the answer to complex medical questions online for 18$, in your case, and with any complicated medical condition, the best we can do here is point you in a reasonable direction knowing that specific tests will be needed to get to the cause.

for instance, one of the things that will need to be done in your case is a digital rectal exam so as to see if the prostate is enlarged or, possibly, cancerous. as good as technology is, there is simply no way to do this particular exam on the internet.

as it stands I have told you what you need and hopefully saved you two or three doctor's visits by pointing you directly to a Urologist. I think this is helpful but you may disagree. If so, please let me know and I will open this question up for other experts.