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CamilleRN, Nurse (RN)
Category: Health
Satisfied Customers: 4183
Experience:  Experience: 20 yrs experience in ER, ICU, Neuro, OR, Chemo,Cardiology, Dermatology and MORE.
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Why does my husband prefer to have sex with other women even

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Why does my husband prefer to have sex with other women even those he still finds me attractive? He has been having affairs for twenty years and wants to be married to me but never approaches me except in a humourous way of flirting.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Health
Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
Welcome to JustAnswer Health...and thank you for your question. I am a verified Expert and am delighted to help you today.Some people have self esteem issues and the only way they know how to reassure themselves that they are still desirable to others is through feedback from multiple partners. A person who lives this way needs professional help to find different ways to cope with self esteem issues. Often times people who cheat repeatedly have deeper problems that need psychoanalysis to uncover and begin to treat. I would highly you ask him to go to a Psychiatrist for help... you can also arrange sessions with you and your husband together .This may save your marriage.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Why then does he not want sex with me but always throws out bait in a joking manner then never advances?

Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
Because he has psychiatric issues, I am not saying th is to be mean... but from what you are telling me he does not know how to interact with you as an adult male normally would. It sounds like he plays around joking because he is afraid of rejection.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
why would this start after ten years of marriage? I beleive he was unfaithful before then bt that is when his rejection of me started.
Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
it is possible that he developed a sense of guilt for the infidelity as demonstrated by the rejection he started showing you. It is impossible for you alone to change the way he behaves..he needs psychiatric intervention so he can learn new ways to cope with feelings, self image and committment.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for yor answer but it was after ten years i found out about affairs. It was about nine years later that it was becoming distant between us. I realize he needs help but why are you answeing these questions when your area is medical?
Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
You asked in HEALTH.
Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
I , nor any other mental health professional can tell you with any certainty WHY he has done what he has done without talking to HIM and learning of his life and childhood.etc.......what I am telling you is that it would be helpful for you and your husband to seek counselling.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I guess i was hoping there was a classic case example that I could relate to and understand. I have read enough thus far to get this answer on my own. I suppose my question should have been "what can I do"? Besides self esteem issues what else is there that could have been presented after so long a normalcy?
Expert:  CamilleRN replied 6 years ago.
What you can do is help guide him to a professional who can talk with him and help him identify his problems as well as therapy to help him change his behavior. Changing yourself is not going to help him. You are the loving wife who has endured years of infidelity, you are victim in this situation. You are not the one who needs to DO anything.
CamilleRN and 2 other Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Is there a case study about this type that would give me any insight? Does anyone ever become "settled" without professional help? Can a spouse help or just throw in the towel?